Joy in Birthing

KNOWING WHAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU

Loyalty, honor, and justice are tribal traits. When taken to their extreme, they can cause great pain and suffering. At times, we are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long, and we often allow our tribal beliefs to stand in the way of our better judgment. Doctors are sometime seen as gods in our society. We believe they can do no wrong, especially if we don’t feel we have the same amount of schooling under our belt. I see this regularly with my clients.

No matter how much information they have gathered to understand each and every procedure, once at the hospital, they forsake their own instincts and embrace their doctor’s opinion without question. Except in an emergency, birth is not a medical event. Each one of us has an innate ability to know what is right for our own body and our child. We need to collaborate with our caretakers, not let them take over our care.

I met a woman at one of my lectures who complained about her doctor: “He makes me cry every time I see him. When I told him I didn’t want to have an epidural, he told me I was crazy. He treats me like a little girl.” I asked her if she would go back to a hairdresser after a terrible haircut. “Of course not,” she responded. “Then why go back to the same doctor?” I exclaimed, trying to keep composure. “After all, we live in Los Angeles and there are thousands of doctors to choose from who are just as qualified.” She told me she felt she should be loyal to him since he had seen her since the beginning of her pregnancy. I suggested she let her intuition advise her and ask her baby directly for his input.  As I embraced her to say goodbye, I reminded her that everything would work out and that she had all the knowledge she needed to be the best mom for this particular baby, or he would not have chosen her.

This was an intelligent woman, one who had made many important decisions in her career, one who could negotiate great deals for her clients.  What had happened? Why did she lose her self-esteem and confidence when confronted by her doctor? Giving birth and parenting are two of the most important jobs a woman will ever have, yet no one has bothered teaching us the basics. In the past, there was the village, and we learned by watching other women, our mothers, cousins, aunts, or sisters. We witnessed some births and saw women breastfeed their babies. We knew it was a natural process. We learned the tricks and the joys, and we gained confidence. Today, we are all little islands. Most of my clients have never even held a newborn, let alone seen one breastfed, changed, bathed, or birthed. Thus, we abdicate all powers to our provider. But should we? When it comes to wanting a natural birth, it’s not important to ask our doctor’s opinion about the alternative ways we choose to give birth, but we do need to ask for their support.  Doctors are there to give us a medical opinion and we are very grateful for that.  Keep in mind, though, that how you are going to have your baby—whether you choose to do it without medication or with the help of a doula, whether you choose to deliver squatting or on all fours—those are your decisions and no one else’s.

I met that same woman after she had her baby. She told me that she had finally gotten the courage to change doctors, she had met a group of midwives that operated out of a hospital and she felt so happy with them after the initial visit it turned ot it had not been so hard after all to let her doctor go. That had been the best decision she had ever made. You could see the love in her eyes, self-love and appreciation for standing up for herself.

PRACTICAL STEPS

It is your right to have the birthing experience you desire.  Get informed, go to classes, get a doula, bring your village, find a woman who has gone through the kind of birthing experience you would like to have and speak to her. Don’t stay in any harmful situations out of loyalty to anyone. Your loyalty should reside only with yourself and the well-being of your child.

The decision to change doctors or midwives is never easy, particularly during pregnancy. Though sometimes there comes a point when you realize that neither you nor your practitioner are happy and that you need to find someone who can provide you with the care that you need and deserve in pregnancy.

There are many reasons why you might decide that you need a different doctor. Some of the reasons that women share include:

• Practitioner doesn’t listen (poor communication)
• You don’t like how you are treated
• Too many doctors in the practice
• Not enough time is spent with you
• Different philosophies of birth
• Found another practitioner you like better
• Disagreements on treatment practices
• Issues with office staff or insurance
• Very long waits for appointments
• Your practitioner leaves practice or no longer does births

The first thing you should try to do is to resolve the issue with your midwife or doctor. Explain the problem and search for a resolution together. This may not always be possible. If you fins yourself in a situation where you have tried and things still aren’t working out, it is time for a change.

1. Interview other practitioners.
   Go back to your original list of questions and find others to interview. Perhaps you had a second choice when you originally selected this doctor. If you’ve already interviewed them, you might simply select them off the bat.
2. Make a decision on which one you will chose.
   Call to see if the practice is accepting new patients and takes your insurance. Sometimes, at the end of pregnancy you may have a harder time switching practices. Usually you can get in if you talk to the office manager or practitioner and explain the situation.
3. Notify your old practice.
   Once you’re ready to leave, you will need to notify your old practice. You can do this in writing or via a phone call. Be sure to cancel any previously scheduled appointments well enough in advance to prevent missed appointment fees.
4. Get a copy of your medical records.
   You will need to request, in writing, a copy of your medical records. You can chose to hand carrying these records or to have them sent directly to your new practitioner. State laws may vary slightly but they cannot refused your records, they can, however, charge you for them. This is usually a slight copying fee and in many states the first copy is free. This can be done in person or have them fax, email or mail you the form they need you to fill out.
5. Start seeing your new practitioner.
   Be sure to make an appointment with the new practitioner. Depending on how far along your are in your pregnancy, the timing may not be convenient if they are working you in.

You may or may not decide to let your old practice know why you have left their services. If you think that you would feel better or that they would learn from it, you may decide to send them a letter. Many women never hear back from their old practices. Though occasionally they will get a letter or a call. Decide in advance how you will handle that and be prepared for it, in case it happens.

While switching doctors is never easy, so many moms have done it before and are very glad that they did. One mom said that she had considered waiting until her next baby but then asked herself, “Doesn’t this baby deserve the best I can offer?”