Though the word ritual might bring to mind an image of nymphs dancing in the moonlight, rituals are actually more common than one might think.  I used this word to describe a series of repetitive actions we take during the day with our babies that help us delineate day and night, waking up and going to sleep.  I call them rituals because to me those are sacred moments, moments of great bonding between parents and children and moments that are magical to the child as they empower him/her from the very beginning. Babies and children in general, are small people with very little power; the empowerment we can give them is knowledge.  Knowing what to expect makes a baby feel calmer, and in charge of his/her time. Babies are creatures of habit; they like to have certain things every day at the same time. The repetition makes them feel secure and empowered.  The earlier you create a series of rituals for them the calmer your baby will be and the easier your life together.

Rituals:

1. Provide a safe and secure environment for Baby’s development in all domains.
2. Develop Baby’s sense of identity, family traditions and memories, cultural heritage and values.
3. Give Baby a solid foundation which will assist her in adapting to and coping with change.

Daily rituals may seem like chores to harried parents, but maintaining a relatively stress-free attitude can help Baby develop a cheery outlook. Through the simple interaction of daily care routines, Baby learns from you in many ways—through your language, touch, eye contact, tone of voice, pacing, and more. By having day and night time rituals, babies develop a sense of sequence of the day’s events.

Start by splitting your day into two 12 hour slots, say from 7 AM to 7 PM and vice versa, but use your own judgment, see when you baby usually does wake up and go to sleep and adjust the times accordingly.  The idea is not to be strict but consistent.  All babies are different, just like us, not one human being is quite the same as the other. During the day time and the night time, you’ll behave very different so that even the smallest baby can have a sense that there is a change of the quality of life in those two periods of time.

Daytime Rituals

• Create your own simple good morning  ritual, it could be a song, a little water splash on the little face , a change in clothes from pjs to daytime clothes, anything to demarking the change from night to day.  I like to wash the babies’ tushies from the whole night of soaked diapers too.
• Try to have a ‘daytime’ sleeping quarters that are different from the night time.  For instance have a daytime bed, or put baby on the blanket on the floor (if you do not have animals in the house) or somewhere safe where he can be on his tummy (supervised) often during the day.
• In between feedings play with your baby, (read about the games you can play with your newborn here) take her on a walk (even if it is just outside in your backyard,) put her in the sling (read about sling safety) and carry her around.  Talk, talk, talk to her.  We now know that babies understand language while in the womb, so we know that she understands you completely, and her way of responding to your language is sometime, by talking back (we call it cry but that IS her only language), by cooing and trying different sounds.  We encourage this by saying something  like” wow, and then what happened,” or “tell me more,” instead of asking our baby to stop crying (read about talking to the baby). Also read to your baby, sometimes just before you sense your little one needs to sleep, try siting in a quiet place and read  a story. Hold him in your if you can, but if you need to get some chores done then laying down in the same room and go about your business.  Often you will check on each other and that will make you both feel good.
• Once a day (in the afternoon) place your baby for a ‘afternoon’ nap in the night time sleeping environment (even if you have her with you in bed in the night time) and take advantage of this time, and if you can take a nap as well.  This will establish the ‘nap time’ ritual which could stay with baby till 2 or 3 years old.

Bedtime Rituals

“Bedtime is a monumental moment to a baby or toddler, a time of transition in which parents hold nearly shamanistic power to tame the forces of darkness.”

—The Heart of A Family, by Meg Cox,

We all know the feeling after a good night’s sleep. Sleep provides rest, boosts the immune system, helps concentration and memory and generally makes you feel and look better. The same is true for infants, although your baby’s new born needs will be different to yours. Adjusting to your baby’s sleep pattern will be one of your first challenges as a parent. No baby sleeps in exactly the same way as another, and a wide variety of sleep patterns fall within the bounds of normal, healthy infant behavior. Sleeping patterns can also change during phases of teething, illness and growth spurts. Read more about baby sleep here.

Bedtime provides a time of connection for parent and child.  Bedtimes rituals are great for the parent who has been at work all day and needs to bind with baby. Start by feeding baby from one breast only so he’s not hungry during this ritual. Tell him it is bed time as he feeds and tell him what is to come “daddy is going to give you a bath, we’ll put a pajama on read you a story because it is bed time.”  Then give baby a bath, many parents ask me if they must give a bath every night, of course not, remember these are just suggestions and you are in charge of your own baby.  I do not suggest you scrub and soap up your baby every night, I simply like to place babies in warm water before bed time because it reminds them of the womb (safe place in their memory) and warm water calms them down.  Make sure the water is not too cold, not too hot, it should be pleasant to the touch, and make sure the room is warm as well. I used to give a bath to my baby in the kitchen sink as the oven was on warming up our dinner. there is something magical about the smell of a good Italian meal, as you have a bath, and give one, that warms my heart,  ask any of my clients and they will tell you that smelling a good meal has palced them in a much better mood and has made coping with these new days a lot easier.

After the bath give your baby a little massage. TIP: I like to use the hair dryer to dry up babies after the bath, it helps in two ways: first it warms them up and gets all the water off of them (keep the low warm dial on), second the noise makes them calm and I can proceed to give them a massage without a cry.

BE CAREFUL A HAIRDRYER SHOULD NOT BE PLACED CLOSE TO WATER WHEN IT’S ON, THIS IS A HAZARD UNLESS DONE PROPERLY.

To learn how to give your baby a massage, you can rent a CD about baby massage, go to a class , some instructors come to your house, and some will do a free demonstration to train their new certified instructors, Ask you doula, lactation consultant or go on the web and see if there is a school of infant massage in your area. Or simply improvise, I know you know how to rub some oil on your loved one.  I love to use Grape Seed oil as it is food grade and non allergic, you can also use organic coconut butter (if you keep it in the refrigerator make sure  it is warmed by your hands first.) Stay away from perfumed oils of any kind and read your labels (most commercial baby oils are made with what they call mineral oil which are petroleum derivatives.) Put her PJs on and,  as you feed him again, read him a story. When baby is a little older, or as soon as you feel comfortable, consider once in awhile taking a bath with him/her, or have daddy do that.  This is a wonderful way for daddy (or your partner) to bond with baby.

So to recap:

• Feed on one breast
• “It’s bed time” – tell your baby what to expect
• Give her a bath
• A baby massage
• Put PJs
• Read her a story as you feed on the other breast
• Place her in her night time sleeping place – your bed, the co-sleeper etc.

From this moment on when she wakes up try not to play, or even talk too much. Change her, feed her and put her back down to sleep. If you sleep in the same bed and your bedroom is far from where you are going to be, lay her down close by,  but you might consider swaddling her this one time (one time per day only) just to delineate the difference between day time and night time.  Once you all go o sleep and at the next feeding unswaddle her. About cribs and monitors, I highly recommend you and your baby stay close to one another as much and for as long as possible.  Monitors will tell you when your baby is crying, and frankly that only tells you the baby is in great health and wants your attention, what it does not tell you is that the baby is breathing regularly, especially at the beginning of your baby’s life it is good to keep her around the family as much as possible, and if he is particularly sensitive and you have noticed that he prefers to be alone and he will sleep longer ( a few babies do) then go and check once in awhile by simply caressing your baby gently while asleep, but keep in earshot range.

Day time and bedtime rituals help the baby get a sense that there are two different times of the day and things are very different from one to the other.  They also help you organize your day and make you in charge of the day as well. Babies love to feel mom is in charge, after all ow scary would it be for a baby to lead and make all the decisions. But as everything with baby, things are  not so clear cut, some day your ritual will work wonders and some day is all out the window.  Do not despair THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  All you need to do is try to stay consistent, try to again next day, baby will love to go back to it after a difficult day.