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Excerpt from Painless Childbirth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Birth
Many of our actions are born from feelings. Whether the feelings come from our conscious or subconscious mind, they lead us to take action. When we feel unsafe, we choose actions that are protective, limited, cautious, and non-expansive. When we feel confident, we stretch ourselves to reach goals that others might think are impossible. In order to become conscious of our feelings to manage our reactions, we need to discover where they come from.
For many years, medical scientists defined a baby as physical matter, especially brain matter, which had no ability to register or process memory, learning, trauma, emotion, or any truly human experiences until months after birth. In 1980, a study on prenatal stimulation was conducted in Caracas, Venezuela under the direction of psychologist Beatriz Manrique.[1] The results stirred interest in the psychology community. Six hundred families, divided into experimental and control groups, were involved in a project that tested the babies for six years following their prenatal program. These studies have proven what few believed prior to 1980: (1) that babies in the womb are alert, aware, and attentive to activities involving voice, touch, and music; (2) that babies benefit from these activities by forming stronger relationships with their parents and their parents with them, making for better attachments and better birthing experiences, and (3) that these babies tend to show precocious development of speech, fine and gross motor performance, better emotional self-regulation, and better cognitive processing.[2]
If babies are aware and alert while in the womb, then our emotions can create an environment which can be perceived as pleasant and supportive of learning, or unpleasant, suppressant, and geared to protect the status quo. Once aware of their influences on the unborn babies, many of my clients are in fear of any strong negative emotion. They feel the pressure to be happy and serene and become almost paralyzed by it, afraid of doing something wrong, and often angry at those who take their apparent serenity away. It’s better to realize that we are here to teach our children how we deal with whatever comes up in life, not to shield them completely. As a mother, it is your responsibility to teach your child how to resolve situations, not evade them.
People facing the same situation can have diametrically different emotions. There are two basic feelings¾good and bad¾and two ways to confront and assimilate what happens in our lives. When a conflict arises and we feel bad, we can either learn from it, bettering ourselves and our lives, or we can consider it a challenge and perpetuate the conflict by reacting to protect ourselves, and by attempting to preserve what we believe to be right. In so doing, we forfeit the chance to grow and learn.
As a parent, your responsibility is to teach your child by example. Therefore, you have to learn how to express and share your feelings so that you may teach your baby to do the same safely.
How you feel about me is none of my business
We often enter into conflict to protect ourselves. Most people’s feelings are aligned with their need to be right and to be understood. We feel bad about criticisms only when we believe them to be true. If someone called you an eggplant, you would laugh it off or call them insane. But if they said you were fat or stupid or unlovable, that may strike a deep cord. If deep inside you agree with the criticism you’ll become defensive, angry and lash out at the person who has offered it. Thus, we do not react solely to the words, but also to an old core belief about ourselves that the words evoke. When you agree with the critical assessment, it will hurt you, if you don’t you will be able to dismiss it and even look at the person that has express it with compassion. Lashing out and insulting someone is a defense mechanism. When you hear a particular criticism that resonates, deal with the pain by considering it a signal to humbly look within and see what truth may lie there. You might not agree with what you’re hearing, but attend to the message rather than focusing on the messenger. If the universe is repeatedly sending the same theme through different people, pay attention. Stay open and learn from each situation. The ultimate act of love and courage is self-examination. To engage in conflict with others requires far less strength of character.
[1] Early Parenting is Prenatal Parenting! By David Chamberlain, Editor, www.birthpsychology.com
[2] ibid
Painless Childbirth is a Scientific Reality *
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*A study conducted by CL Pasero and R Britt (August 1998). Managing Pain During Labor, published in the American Journal of Nursing 98:10-11, reports that indeed a painless childbirth is a reality for as many as 45,000 WOMEN EACH YEAR IN AMERICA. One of the universal laws states: if one person can do it, it can be done by others.
