A fortunate group of people get to the moment in their life where they consciously decide to procreate, go at it and the miracle happens. Many of us get pregnant first and then consider the consequences. While some couples prefer to take a completely relaxed approach to the business of baby-making, leaving their reproductive fate in the hands of Mother Nature, not everyone is willing or able to surrender quite that much control. Some of us want a child so much that, if the conception doesn’t quite happen in a timely manner, we go on a path of scheduled intercourse, medical intervention, frustration, mood swings all of which can strain not only our sexual relationship, but our lives in general.
The concepts that conscious creation and joyful birth are sacred rituals have been forgotten in modern life, but we can remember and embrace the miraculous.
There are several steps that are needed in order to reach our goals. We cannot go from A to Z without first going through B, C, and D. Owning up and asking ourselves why we feel this is the right time to procreate, is the first step toward what I call Conscious Conception.
In my hypnotherapy practice, when I work with couples who struggle to conceive, I encourage them to welcome the new soul into their lives, consciously, joyfully, and effortlessly. I stress that conception usually happens when the right conditions come together: physical, emotional, psychological and spiritual.
Just like in coaching mothers for labor and delivery, we work on any obstacle that can stand in the way of a new life sprouting freely in mother’s fertile womb. There is literally a birth "response" that propels our babies from womb to world with very little conscious effort on our part. The problem is, that there is something even more powerful than the birth response, something that can override it entirely. That something is known as the fight/flight response.
When a woman is in a state of fear, messages are sent to the body telling it there is a danger out there that must be fought or run away from. Blood and oxygen are instantly sent into the arms and legs enabling the frightened woman to fight the danger or run away. In order for this to happen, however, blood and oxygen must be drained from other organs which the body considers nonessential for fight or flight. This is why we turn white when we're afraid. The body assumes that our leg muscles need blood and oxygen more than our face does.
If there is fear, maybe even unconscious fear, in our lives when it comes to our relationships, our financial security, or even in our ability to raise a child, then our biochemistry works against our desire to procreate. If the world is not perceived as ‘safe’ then our perfect system – our body – will opt not to procreate.
Some couples are willing to see a counselor, or priest before marriage because they understand the importance of preparing for such life-time commitment, yet for one of the most important jobs of our existence- parenting - we have no preparation. I know the critics of this work ahead tell us that we have had children for million of years why do we need now to do anything different? These days we marry and divorce with great haste, but parenting is forever, no matter what, so why not get ready for one of the hardest and most important “jobs” of your life? Research has shown that there are more infertile couples now days than at anytime in history before. In vitro fertilization has shot to an all time high. Once again we are bombarded with bad news from the media and the medical establishment that women cannot do what they where created to do – have a child – and that they need help.
Here are some questions parents might want to explore before they make such a life-altering decision as having a child.
1. Do I live consciously?
How often do you say: “I can’t believe I did that?” or, “That wasn’t me!”
If you find yourself saying that over and over again, you obviously check out, and behave from a place that is outside your self. Conscious living is a prerequisite for conscious procreation.
2. Why do I want a child?
We all know of couples whose relationship is on the fritz who decide that a child might just be the solution. Other procreate because they feel they are getting too old to wait any longer, others yet want to manifest the fruit of their love through procreation. While some of these reason seem immediately wrong, other may seem quite romantic. Having a child to seal the love of two people is certainly a great reason to have a child, but not without preparation.
3. How is my relationship today? If you choose to have a child on your own ask yourself how healthy is my relationship with myself?
Come together with your partner and look into your relationship. A healthy pregnancy, labor and delivery, and healthy parenting must stand on strong relationship foundations. Even if the relationship is with oneself.
Self-examination and self-healing prior to do anything as significant as getting married or conceiving a child can be done using the Nine Basic Human Rights, as described in my book Painless Childbirth or using the Nine Basic Human Rights workbook, consider getting A Conscious Conception self-hypnosis CD to anchor positive reinforcement, also available at www.joyinbirthing.com.
Once the inner work is done, it follows to look at the practical application of conception.
Know thy cycle ?
The more you know about your menstrual cycle, the easier it will be for you to pinpoint your most fertile days. You may find it useful to start keeping a menstrual calendar, noting the day on which your period starts, the day when it ends, any pre-ovulatory symptoms you notice, and so on; and to learn how to monitor your three key fertility signals: the quantity and quality of your cervical mucus (you're most fertile when your mucus is abundant and egg white in texture), the position and feel of your cervix (it's located high in the vagina and is soft and fleshy during your most fertile days) and fluctuations in your basal body temperature (your temperature will jump once ovulation has occurred). Familiarizing yourself with the 'feel' of the your cervix will help you be in control of your labor later on.
Make love on the right days?
This may sound like a no-brainer, but mistimed procreation can wreak havoc on your plans to conceive. You're at your most fertile during the five days leading up to and the 12 hours following ovulation. If you miss this window of opportunity, it's game over for another month.
Have unbelievably great sex?
This is one part of the procreation prescription you won't mind filling! While it may sound too good to be true, there seems to be some hard science to back up this bit of advice. Researchers have found that a suction effect is created when the female partner achieves orgasm, something that causes the cervix to draw sperm into the vagina more efficiently. Since this can help to transport sperm from the highly acidic vaginal environment as quickly as possible, it may help to ensure the survival of the maximum number of sperm. Consider exploring the ancient art of Tantra, discover your g-spot and teach your partner how to pleasure you.
Don't get too much of a good thing?
Not only can attempting to make love each day during your most fertile period be physically and mentally draining: it doesn't do much to increase your odds of conceiving. And if your partner has a marginal sperm count, your doctor is likely to recommend an "every other day" procreation regime anyway.
Create a sperm-friendly vaginal environment ?
Avoid vaginal sprays, scented tampons and artificial lubricants, all of which may interfere with your procreation plans.
Don't hop out of bed right away
While it's not necessary to elevate your bottom with pillows or go to other extreme measures to give the sperm a head start, it's a good idea to remain in a horizontal position for at least five minutes after you've finished making love. After all, gravity is a pretty formidable adversary for sperm.
Remember that conception is a number's game
You can do everything "right," but still not manage to conceive the first time around. Studies have shown that it takes normal, fertile couples an average of six months to conceive, and most doctors consider anything up to one year to be well within the range of normal.
GETTING READY
See your doctor
It's a good idea to meet with your doctor if you have tried to conceive for a year with no results. That way, any health problems that could impact your pregnancy can be dealt with before you become pregnant, also you will need to know what to address in an hypnotherapy sessions.
Make sure that any medications you're taking are safe for use during pregnancy Your doctor may want to fiddle with your dosage or switch you to another drug that's safer for the developing baby.
Have a pap smear
The ideal time to schedule a pap test is before you start trying to conceive. That way, should anything abnormal show up, you and your doctor will be able to deal with the problem prior to, rather than during, your pregnancy.
Deal with any workplace hazards
If your job requires a lot of heavy lifting or exposure to dangerous chemicals, you might want to talk to your employer about modifying your work arrangements before you start trying to conceive.
Get to a healthy weight
Studies have shown that women who are significantly over- or underweight face an increased risk of infertility and that overweight women face an increased risk of requiring a cesarean delivery or experiencing other pregnancy-related complications.
Start taking folic acid
Your baby needs a whole cocktail of nutrients in order to grow and develop, including folic acid -- a "miracle nutrient" that has been shown to dramatically reduce the incidence of such neural tube defects as anencephaly and spina bifida if taken in the months leading up to and during the first trimester of pregnancy.
Kick any bad habits
It's best to avoid both alcohol and cigarettes from the moment you start trying to conceive. Ditto for street drugs: they're just plain bad news for babies and mothers-to-be.
Go slow when it comes to caffeine
Research has indicated that excessive caffeine consumption can impair a woman's fertility and may increase her risk of miscarriage. If you can't swear off your morning coffee entirely, you might want to limit your consumption to one to two cups per day.
In her book ‘Spiritual Midwifery," Ina May Gaskin says,: “The creation and birth of a human life is a high sacrament and should be embraced as such. When a new life is created, the whole Universe must shift to make room. Another expression of “God” has manifested itself, and this life has the potential of becoming a world leader, a teacher, and a saint.”
Conscious conception is for everyone, not only for those who have been trying for one year and have not succeeded. Know thyself before you bring in a new life, and know the values, beliefs and strength of your relationship. Then have fun and let go, if it's meant to be you can't mess it up.