Joy in Birthing

Excerpt from Giuditta’s upcoming book “BABY RIGHT”

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Introduction

“Peace begins with how we parent… from the very beginning” Marcy Axness Ph.D

The more we understand about the future consequences of what we are doing, and the intent that goes into our actions, the more successful we will be bringing up individuals who are built for peace. Through the study of perinatal and prenatal psychology we know that the embryo begins learning and accumulating memory from the very beginning of its life in utero . Therefore, our personal choices and actions when pregnant have significant impact upon the forming of the baby, his future, his coping mechanisms, his ability to grow and learn, and his relationship with all that surrounds him.  If you have read my previous book, Painless Childbirth, you have gone through a journey in which you discovered your relationship to your own basic human rights and, together with the baby growing inside your belly, you have come closer to developing your self-confidence and self-esteem. If you have not read Painless, you still might have heard (and certainly intuited) that your actions as a pregnant mom were influential to the emotional, physical and spiritual growth of your unborn child.  Now that the baby is in your arms, somehow your world has become a series of re-actions with little thought about where those actions are coming from. Yet, caring for a child is not only about solutions on how to quiet a baby down, or feed it efficiently, it is also about understanding the future consequences of what we are doing, and the intent behind the actions we take as we care for our newborn. With our own purposes and goals of parenting in mind, the more successful we are in caring for our child, the more likely the child will grow into a self-confident human being. Only one hundred years ago, new moms were surrounded by a village that not only helped with the new baby, it also gave hands-on instruction for baby care. Just by living in your village you learned about parenting, breastfeeding, diapering and calming a fussy baby.  Today many moms have never seen a woman breastfeed, a baby’s diaper changed, or a baby swaddled and put to sleep. These days we often live far from our mothers and relatives and are left on our own. You might have taken a baby-care class or two, practicing changing diapers, or the perfect latch-on with a perfectly still plastic doll. Yet, things are quite different the first day back from the hospital or birthing center once the squiggly and vociferous bundle of joy is in your hands. We encourage you to be patient and take pose before you respond to your baby’s call for attention so that you may practice conscious parenting. I am often questioned about the different books and philosophies on raising children that are available in abundance. There are books that promise you will understand your child’s language and exactly what they want if you hear a specific sound uttered, books that tell you all babies like this or that way of being calmed and consoled, and books that tell you that you should work on your baby’s independence (even by letting him cry without picking him up) if you want a self-confident baby.  Some tell you that you should hold your baby for the first six months without stop, and then of course, there are your parents, friends, and an innumerable number of people who seem to feel they have a right to tell you what is best for your baby. In this book we stress the simple fact that babies are individuals like you and me, and they are all different. There is no such thing as one way that works for every baby. Pay attention to your baby’s cues, try things out but do not force anything upon your child.  In fact, many times throughout this book some of the things we talk about will start to sound like the only truth. However, the only truth is the one that exists between you and your child. This book is merely meant to be a guide –you are the ultimate authority on how to raise your own child. Take some of the suggestions in this book and try them out. If they don’t work for you then let them go. To raise a self-confident child you must show him your own self-confidence. You’ll soon learn that as a parent, modeling behavior is the best way to teach.  Babies only have needs from birth to approximately one year old. Wants come a little later in life. This means that you cannot spoil a child from picking him up too often or allowing him to sleep with you. Needs are things we cannot live without, wants are things we learn to have at times, and forgo even reluctantly.  After one year you enter the period where you and your baby will learn to negotiate between what can and cannot be had.  By responding to the baby needs in his first year of life and respecting his and her basic human rights you are helping the new life set strong foundations of trust and self-respect. Why is focusing on the basic human rights so important in raising your child? As a clinical hypnotherapist, I often find that the people have made some deciding conclusions that colored their entire life in the very first days of their lives. At one point or another, we all had to fight for our basic rights. When we were children some of our basic rights were taken away, like our right to be heard, or seen, or our right to be told the truth. Some even had to fight for the right to be loved. Once our rights had not been respected from either our primary care takers, our teachers and even our friends, we grew up questioning our rights.  When someone expressed their love for us, we may have rejected it because we did not feel we had the right to be loved.  When our partner lied to us, we may have accepted the lie because we felt we had no right to the truth.  When at our job we were looked over for a promotion after working hard, we may have kept quiet because we did not feel we had the right to be seen and noticed.  Some of us may have felt we had no right to be loved even by a Higher Power, as our little lives could not be important enough for such Great Spirit. It is my intention in this book, to remind you not only of the baby’s right but of your own so that you may stay on the course of self-healing and as you heal your own, you reinforce your child’s own esteem and respect for herself. Here are the nine basic human rights that we’ll explore in this book: THE NINE BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS

1. The right to be here and to have. It is important to make sure our baby is welcomed into this world and that she feels she has a right to be here in this world, and to have all she needs to thrive. This is accomplished right at birth. Suggestions are made for both mom and partner to reassure the newborn of their unique role in is family and the world.

1. The right to feel and the right to want. Most people speak on how to calm a crying baby, but few recognize the baby’s right to expression.  We encourage you to actively listen to your baby so that his language is understood and his emotions empathized with, and then reassured.

1. The right to act. Babies have a right to know what actions are taken on their body, and what is happening to them. We help you create daily rituals that remain consistent throughout a baby’s life.  By knowing what to expect each day a baby is empowered and greater neurological development is established.

1. The right to love and be loved. Of course you love your baby, but often we don’t know that a baby’s cry reveal the expression of love for us as well as their needs for closeness and attention.  Here we explain how a baby who was in the womb for nine months often simply needs touch and closeness. Attachment parenting is explored and explained together with an understanding that each family must find a compromise that fits their life-style.

1. The right to speak and hear the truth. Parents often use  “baby talk” when addressing their newborn, and forgo the regular language we use to communicate with  one another as human beings.  Here we teach you that babies can understand simple language and we encourage you to begin an ongoing conversation with your new baby.

1. The right to see and know the truth. We now know that babies can clearly see much more than was thought in the past.  Here we spend time teaching you how to play simple games with your baby to exercise vision, and we explain the benefits of reading to them.

1. The right to know. Here we direct you to trust in your instinctive ability to distinguish between acquired and innate knowledge, developing openness to the intuitive message you will receive.  Too often we abdicate our intuition to another’s perceived expertise. This is especially true for new mothers who are bombarded with hundreds of opinions from various sources which in the end confuse more than help.  Parents are encouraged to acquire the right knowledge and take charge of the well being of their baby.  This chapter deals with how to participate in decision making with one’s care providers, vs. abdicating to them.

1. The right to own your divine power. A newborn is the closest example of pure unconditional love, trust and hope for the future.  It is never too early to recognize the divine powers of the new life. Here we explore learning how to enhance our baby’s spiritual potentiality. 

1. The right to be one with the miraculous. What if we were to marvel at our newborn as we marveled at a god? What if we began our baby’s life with the understanding that we are one with her and not separate, that her needs and our needs collide, and our love, hope are entwined. What if we teach this concept to our baby from the very beginning of her existence? Maybe we can truly usher a new generation of peace loving human beings.

The importance of the relationship between a mother and her newborn child can never be overemphasized. It is from this relationship that all human relationships grow. Research over the last 25 years has shown that the contact between a mother and the newborn baby during the first few hours after birth may set down life-long patterns which are extremely difficult to change later. This is raises serious questions about the routine policies of many maternity hospitals where separation of the mother and neonate directly after birth is still often the standard practice. Klaus and Kennell have done extensive research into the phenomenon of maternal-infant bonding, (Klaus & Kennell, 1976). The results suggest that a mother’s interaction with her baby during the first few hours of life, critically affects her atti­tude towards the child for at least the next five years. It is not yet known exactly how long the ’sensitive’ period lasts, but it is believed to lose effectiveness between three and four hours after the birth, (Spezzano & Waterman, 1977). If there has been no contact between the mother and neonate during this period, ideal bonding does not occur. If a mother and infant have almost uninter­rupted contact during this period, research shows that a strong maternal-infant bond is created and the re­sulting maternal feelings con­tinues long after the ’sensitive’ period has elapsed. Baby Right works on the double meaning of doing the right thing for your baby as well as respecting your and your baby’s basic rights.