When I first picked up Giuditta Tornetta’s book Painless Childbirth, I must admit that I was skeptical. What was she proposing? Was this just another “method” that would hold women to a standard that might leave them feeling guilty or disempowered when they could not attain it? And should women even want a painless childbirth? Haven’t we learned that pain is part of the natural process—even a manageable part that releases all those love hormones, helps us bond with our babies and moves us into motherhood? However, as one of those women who DID experience painless childbirth, I was also intrigued. How could she possibly explain or try to teach what I knew was unteachable.

To my pleasant surprise, she does it: First, by declaring that painless childbirth is a right and then by explaining just what that entails. Tornetta interweaves relationships among nine chakras, or energy fields, with nine basic human rights and the nine months of gestation. Each chapter focuses briefly on one month of fetal development, the main ruling of one particular chakra and how they each relate to a particular fundamental human right. For example, she notes that in the second gestational month, the baby’s arms and fingers are formed “to touch the ‘other,’” the quality of the second chakra is “emotions toward the ‘other,’” and the basic human right is to feel and to want. Throughout that chapter she focuses on feelings—about the pregnancy and birth, about the woman’s own birth, about the impact those feelings have on her experience—and one wants—the right to want and how to go about expressing and getting that want fulfilled, especially regarding birth hopes and plans.

Each chapter begins with a paragraph-long affirmation using such terms as “I am confidant…,” “I declare my right to…,” “I am grateful for…” These would be wonderful used as cards to select each day of the pregnancy or posted on the walls of a laboring woman’s room. After discussing the development, chakra, human right relationship, she then fleshes out the chapter with basic coping mechanisms and user-friendly tools to help break the barriers of insecurities and complaints (physical and emotional) that come up during pregnancy and labor. In addition birth stories are scattered throughout the book.
My favorite part was the chapter on love—the exhortations to love yourself and your partner (with practical exercises to help), to love how you look (with a discussion of nutrition and weight gain) and to use love as a healing tool (again, with simple walk-through aids). I felt that this chapter alone would go a long way in helping pregnant women work through their fears surrounding birth and new motherhood.
So, the “painless” part. Tornetta expresses this best herself when she says, “To achieve a painless childbirth, you must experience pain—not necessarily physical pain, but the pain of change, of letting go of old habits, beliefs, resentments, behaviors and attitudes.” And, no, this is not another “method” book, but an inspirational guide through the journey that is pregnancy, labor and birth.

Reviewer Elise Hansen has been involved in women’s health care for over 25 years, has naturally birthed four children (including a footling breech), is a proofreader for Midwifery Today, academic copyeditor, a Spanish-language medical interpreter and is currently practicing as a homebirth midwife in Oregon. She still has implicit trust in gentle, non-interventive birth.

Excerpt from Painless Childbirth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Birth

When we pay attention to the messages of our dreams, we can open a window into our unconscious mind and identify the lessons we need to learn and the fears we need to remove before we birth our baby.  One morning, following yet another disturbing dream, I wrote: non ti vergognare sei meravigliosa! (Don’t feel ashamed. You are marvelous!) For years, I have suffered from what I used to call nightmares. When everything was going well on the outside, I’d go to sleep and a very painful dream would assail me.  My dreams were often staged at an old job where a boss was trying to shame me in front of a lot of people. I used to wake up in tears. At times, the feeling or state I experienced in the dream stayed with me for a whole day. To heal and learn what my unconscious mind was begging me to realize, I began to keep a dream journal. I concentrated on the feelings I experienced, not the images of the dream.  I zeroed in on the strong feeling I felt—shame, and using the Feeling Inventory Exercise [i] I found out where the shame had originated from. While growing up phrases evoking shame were often repeated to me not only by my primary caretakers but by the nuns I spent eleven years with. “You should be ashamed of yourself!” was their favorite reprimand.  Determined to heal my dreams, I called a hypnotherapist friend and revisited a very important chapter of my life in the nun’s convent.

I WANT TO BE THE MADONNA, a personal story

Traditionally the first graders at my school, the Institute of the Sacred Heart, in Torino Italy, are responsible for the Nativity play on Christmas which marks the official rite of passage from babyhood to student.  In this all-girl school, the most sought-out role is the Madonna, followed by the role of the singing winged angels, whose halos glows against the starry backdrop.   No one wants to be dressed like a boy to play Joseph, nor one of the magi.  Even baby Jesus, though the hero, is still a baby, thus not an appealing part. The audition begins on the fourth week of school.  I am five years old and this is my first chance to show  my friends how special I really am.

In preparation, I spend hours in front of the mirror, conjuring up the perfect seraphic expression I imagine belonging to the mother of Jesus: eye positioned low and humble; body posture, slightly proud, yet respectful; hands conjoined, azure veil pinned below the chin (borrowed from mom’s drawer), head tilted slightly to the left; shoulders gently turned downward in supplication; feet together toes pointed.  Lined up back stage with my classmates, I wait for my turn.  I have rehearsed my entrance and walk with grace and deliberation.  I take my place next to Joseph and speak my first line, “Benvenuti[2]. ”
Sister Maria Blandina, is distracted by some papers, and does not notice me right away. She is my first grade teacher, a nun with thick blond-rimmed glasses, ghostly skin and a rebellious white curl peaking out of the white linen cloth that conceals her hair.  As she hears my voice, she jolt in her seat and barks,
“Tornetta, what are you doing there? Do you think Mother Mary would have your nasal voice? How dare you?”
I try to say something, but nothing comes up.
“Don’t waste my time; you can’t possibly think you can be the Madonna.”
She turns and smiles to her accomplice, the nun at the piano.  My throat closes down, the air trapped, my legs paralyzed. All I can do is stare into her eyes, lips parted, chin quivering. Her words have penetrated my chest, holding and squeezing my heart. I can hear the faint, far away sound of my classmates laughing at me.  An assistant nun approaches and escorts me off stage. The seed of shame sprouts in my five-year-old heart.

The story continues[ii],   but this is enough to show you that something that happened literally forty plus years ago was still hunting me today.

The shame I experienced as a child entrenched itself deeply in my subconscious. Those recurring nightmares were simply a way my unconscious was trying to communicate to me the need to work on releasing old beliefs.  So now that I knew where my nightmares came from I needed a tool to help me heal from them.  I could not simply will them away, I had plenty of tools for behavior modification in my wakeful and conscious state, but I felt helpless when it came to dreams I had absolutely no control over.  How was I going to forgive the nun that hurt me so deeply? After all, I could forgive my parents by diving into the love I felt for them, but there was not much love when it came to those who had emotionally scarred me.

I had no idea why this particular nun had been so harsh on me, through hypnotherapy I went back to that audition with my adult-self. I sat down near that nun, realizing I needed to be careful not to insult her or take revenge on her, for that would not have yielded the kind of healing I was after. In my recollection, I took a seat next to her and put my arms around her, that was so very difficult because all my anger, frustration and hatred was making my arms shake uncontrollably.  I didn’t want to touch her, let alone hug her, but if wanted to change what happened I had to change my feelings towards her first. Just before she was about to pronounce her verdict on my appearance on the stage,  I whispered in her ears, “Wait, hold on to your words and think about them. What you are about to say will hurt this little girl (me) for years; I know you don’t want to do that.”  In my vision, she looked at me in puzzlement and said, “I didn’t know.”  Indeed, she must not have really thought of the dire consequences of her actions. She herself must have had such a hurt soul to behave that way with little children.  I saw her under a new light and realized that having little, challenging Giuditta in her class must not have been that easy. Maybe I reminded her of someone who had injured her, or maybe she envied my free spirit. Whatever the reason, I was able to look into this nun’s eyes and see her pain.  I simply let go of the years of shame I felt as a result of that first incident that marked the beginning of a war I fought with this nun for five long years.  I shed many tears for the hurt I had felt and carried for decades, and as I cried, I felt the weight of the old shame lifted. I took responsibility for hanging on to that particular episode and embraced the circumstances that had created such an event.

During pregnancy many women have very vivid dreams.  Whether good or challenging, you must pay attention to them. As creators of another human life our sense of intuition is extremely heightened. I had a client who dreamed she was going to have a little girl, even before she conceived and my son came to me in a dream in the early days of my pregnancy to tell me his name.

When you hear of the prophetic quality of dreams, you may be afraid of what your dreams are prophesying for the future. Have no fear, for dreams are loving teachers that can either reward you with prophecy or get your attention with a nightmare, but will never punish you.  In this time leading up to the birthing event, keep a dream journal on your bedside and jot down the feelings you have experienced throughout the night.  If you encounter strong feelings of fear, terror, shame, loss, or rejection, use the Feeling Inventory Exercise find out their origin and try to go back and heal them.  If the feelings that come up or the memories are very difficult I urge you to seek a professional who can help you navigate through them. Many moms worry that pregnancy is not the right time to work on their past, but I strongly believe that it is for this is a great opportunity to heal the past and let it go making room for your new life as a mother.  In the mean time as you heal your past you also show you baby growing inside your belly the tools she/he can use in the future in his/her own life., and you show them that self-care is one of the most important tools to live a conscious life.

For the schedule of a workshop by Giuditta Tornetta follow this link

[2] Welcome.

[3] Giuditta speaks through her nose

[4] What’s the matter darling?

[ii] Chapter 8 – eight chakra in Painless Childbirth

Excerpt from Painless Childbirth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Birth

Many of our actions are born from feelings. Whether the feelings come from our conscious or subconscious mind, they lead us to take action.  When we feel unsafe, we choose actions that are protective, limited, cautious, and non-expansive.  When we feel confident, we stretch ourselves to reach goals that others might think are impossible. In order to become conscious of our feelings to manage our reactions, we need to discover where they come from.

For many years, medical scientists defined a baby as physical matter, especially brain matter, which had no ability to register or process memory, learning, trauma, emotion, or any truly human experiences until months after birth.  In 1980, a study on prenatal stimulation was conducted in Caracas, Venezuela under the direction of psychologist Beatriz Manrique.[1] The results stirred interest in the psychology community. Six hundred families, divided into experimental and control groups, were involved in a project that tested the babies for six years following their prenatal program.  These studies have proven what few believed prior to 1980: (1) that babies in the womb are alert, aware, and attentive to activities involving voice, touch, and music; (2) that babies benefit from these activities by forming stronger relationships with their parents and their parents with them, making for better attachments and better birthing experiences, and (3) that these babies tend to show precocious development of speech, fine and gross motor performance, better emotional self-regulation, and better cognitive processing.[2]

If babies are aware and alert while in the womb, then our emotions can create an environment which can be perceived as pleasant and supportive of learning, or unpleasant, suppressant, and geared to protect the status quo.  Once aware of their influences on the unborn babies, many of my clients are in fear of any strong negative emotion.  They feel the pressure to be happy and serene and become almost paralyzed by it, afraid of doing something wrong, and often angry at those who take their apparent serenity away.  It’s better to realize that we are here to teach our children how we deal with whatever comes up in life, not to shield them completely. As a mother, it is your responsibility to teach your child how to resolve situations, not evade them. 

People facing the same situation can have diametrically different emotions.  There are two basic feelings¾good and bad¾and two ways to confront and assimilate what happens in our lives.  When a conflict arises and we feel bad, we can either learn from it, bettering ourselves and our lives, or we can consider it a challenge and perpetuate the conflict by reacting to protect ourselves, and by attempting to preserve what we believe to be right.  In so doing, we forfeit the chance to grow and learn.

As a parent, your responsibility is to teach your child by example. Therefore, you have to learn how to express and share your feelings so that you may teach your baby to do the same safely.

Dina’s story

Dina came to see me because she could not stop raging at her mother every time they discussed her desire to have a homebirth.  Angry, lost, and depressed, Dina would isolate herself, which made things much worse.  While she felt confident that her decision was a good one, she knew her reactions to any criticism were exaggerated.  She kept telling me, “I hate it when people tell me I’m wrong. It feels like a kettle inside my stomach is about to burst!”

I suggested that she close her eyes and recall the emotions she felt whenever her mother recommended anything about her pregnancy. Once deeply settled into those feelings, I guided her through the following Feelings Inventory Exercise.

1. When was the very first time you felt this feeling?  Go back as far as you can remember, and describe in detail what happened and how old you were.

Dina recalled that she had had a learning disability as a child.  One of her earliest memories, before anyone realized she was dyslexic, was of her fifth grade teacher telling her that she did not work hard enough.  She was labeled as lazy and sent home with a note to this effect.  Her mom punished Dina for being a lazy girl who would not amount to anything unless she worked harder.

2. How did you feel as a result of what happened?

She responded that her world had fallen apart. She felt alone and unlovable. She worked hard to show everyone that she was not lazy, yet no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t excel. It took years for her parents to realize that she had a learning disability and, by that time, Dina had resolved not to trust anyone.

3. What did you come to believe about yourself as a result of this event and these feelings?

Dina felt her mother did not love her, since she would not believe her.  The grownups were all telling her she was lazy, but knowing she wasn’t, Dina concluded that she must be stupid or slow.  It was surprising to the adult woman now in my office to uncover that she had such a low self-esteem.  She truly thought she had a higher opinion of herself.  When I asked Dina the question above, she revealed that she’d come to believe, “I am stupid, slow. I am unworthy and unlovable.”

When we go into labor, the unconscious mind takes over and we often revert to feelings and behaviors that come from our child-self. This has been depicted in several movies in the form of a perfectly sweet woman who, in labor, turns into a raging monster as she insults her husband and appears unmanageable. While this depiction of women is only intended to make you laugh, there is an important message we can extract from these scenes. If we don’t heal the unconscious mind, it might show up and rule the outcome of our birthing experience.

4. Now, look at the present. How do those old beliefs color your life today?

Dina began to see how even today, she is overly cautious about everything and everyone. She was known to rant and rave at work if asked to clarify the smallest matter, or whenever anyone dared to hint that she might be wrong about anything.  She chose to be a saleswoman because she simply could not work in an office.  Her boss only retained her despite her temper because she made good money for the company.  Dina had married late, as it was very difficult for her to trust any man that came into her life and to trust that her marriage would last.

5. Finally, consider this: How would a loving person truly describe you?  How would your Higher Power want to hear you portray yourself?

When it came to answering this question, tears began streaming down Dina’s cheeks. She realized that while she had been hard on others, she had been especially hard on herself.  The person she trusted least was herself. Feeling constantly attacked and needing always to protect herself, she restored to isolating.  This exercise had shed some light into her darkness.  I suggested she come up with an affirmation to recite every morning and night, and especially every time she felt that “kettle” inside her gut about to burst.

Dina’s affirmation was, “I am lovable and intelligent. I am a good and capable mother. I am safe. I trust in my innate ability to know what is right for me and my child.”

When we met the following week, things had gotten a bit better.  Dina told me that she now felt she knew why she was getting so mad, and that often she’d just close her eyes and repeat the affirmation to cool down.   She had also had a long and heartfelt conversation with her mother about what had happened and why she was still reacting this way.  Dina laughed because during the conversation with her mom, she had to repeat the affirmation to herself, at least ten times. She had been able to go through an entire exchange with her mom without having a big fight.  The healing had begun.

How you feel about me is none of my business

We often enter into conflict to protect ourselves. Most people’s feelings are aligned with their need to be right and to be understood.  We feel bad about criticisms only when we believe them to be true.  If someone called you an eggplant, you would laugh it off or call them insane.  But if they said you were fat or stupid or unlovable, that may strike a deep cord. If deep inside you agree with the criticism you’ll become defensive, angry and lash out at the person who has offered it. Thus, we do not react solely to the words, but also to an old core belief about ourselves that the words evoke.   When you agree with the critical assessment, it will hurt you, if you don’t you will be able to dismiss it and even look at the person that has express it with compassion. Lashing out and insulting someone is a defense mechanism. When you hear a particular criticism that resonates, deal with the pain by considering it a signal to humbly look within and see what truth may lie there.  You might not agree with what you’re hearing, but attend to the message rather than focusing on the messenger. If the universe is repeatedly sending the same theme through different people, pay attention.  Stay open and learn from each situation.  The ultimate act of love and courage is self-examination. To engage in conflict with others requires far less strength of character.

[2] ibid

Excerpt from Painless Childbirth: An Empowering Journey Through Pregnancy and Birth

For years I was taught that change comes with learning, but the most constructive transformation I actually achieved in my life, came from unlearning. Letting go the old ways of thinking has been a big part of my success in achieving a Painless Childbirth with the birth of my daughter.

How did I do that? Well of course I have written a whole book about it, for it doesn’t just happen it takes conscious preparation and training,  but one of the most important tool was to unlearned everything I had heard, was told, or I had experienced, and recreate my own birthing blue print. I had to change my subconscious programming for I knew, after experiencing the birth of my first child, it would come to the surface during labor through my reptilian brain. What is the birthing blueprint of our unconscious mind?

A birthing blueprint consists of your thoughts, feelings, and actions in relation to labor and delivery. We have all been conditioned by our families, cultures, religious leaders, the medical industry, and the media.  There are three primary ways of conditioning: oral programming, imitation, and experiential.

Oral programming. What you’ve heard and have been told while growing up, can color your experiences of today. A baby’s survival depends on his family.  All he learns comes from the village he inhabits. As the old African adage says, “It takes a village to raise a child.”

In order to stand by your right to have your wishes come true, you must first shed the skin you’ve inherited from your family of origin, your environment, culture, religion, and tradition. All the hand-me-downs you have been wearing represent the rules you have learned: what is right and what is wrong; what is accepted and what is not; what is the norm and what is your truth.  If you are not in charge of your own thoughts, your decisions, and your opinions, someone else is.  That’s when you abdicate all resolution to your care provider, instead of participating in the decision-making. In doing so, you choose what is the norm: what others tell you and what is deemed best by someone else.

Imitation. What you have seen and learned to imitate will be your current default behavior.  Have you noticed how at times you are thinking your mom’s thoughts, or you have taken over your dad’s opinion and even mannerisms?  Our default behaviors come from imitation. Default behaviors are behaviors that come up when you are in a crisis. Thus, when you are in the midst of a fight, you may imitate exactly what your mother or father would do or say.  Imitation becomes particularly noticeable in parenting patterns. When a child misbehaves and the parent is at the end of her rope, she often repeats the same actions and delivers the same punishment her mother did. In a crisis, our most primitive brain, the one responsible for our survival mechanisms, gets activated and our behaviors become automatic. In this way, especially if the experience is new, we react the only way we know how to—namely, in the manner we have seen others react. This is one of the reasons why children who have been abused by their parents abuse their own child.  These people live an unconscious life and don’t heal the past.   If we want to stand on our own, we need to look into our indoctrination that comes from imitation and we need to learn new behaviors and new solutions to the crises that arise.

Experience. In modern society, we are no longer surrounded by a large extended family like we had hundreds of years ago when we lived in villages.  As a result, we are likely to have witnessed birth only through the media.  On TV, we commonly hear that birth is a long and painful event, that the hospital is the sane place to have our child, and that the use of drugs to numb the labor is truly the modern way to manage birth. Movies have shown us images of laboring women screaming in agony and insulting their husbands as they demand pain medication.  The images of birth are routinely of a masked doctor who delivers the baby and shows him to the mother for a moment before he hands him off to a nurse.  The baby gets cleaned, checked, poked, weighed, measured, and finally wrapped in several blankets and a hat before being returned to his mother in the best case scenario, or simply shown to her before getting whisked away to the nursery where more tests are done.  The baby is often abandoned, allowed to scream (“it’s good for his lungs,” affirms the nurse at the nursery), pacified with a plastic sucker, and even fed artificial baby food through a bottle, for the mother needs to rest. Though these scenes might make us angry or even laugh, the power of the big screen and the vividness of these images make us believe that this is the norm and that this is what will happen to us.

What you have been told by your family, your friends, and your society might not reflect what you want for yourself and your child, but you need to inform yourself of the alternatives that are available and then let go of your old ways, old ideas, and old programming.

If you want to stand for your right to have a painless and natural childbirth, you must alter your programming.  You cannot change other people’s opinion, you cannot modify what happened in the past, and you cannot alter what the media shows, but you can take certain steps to divert your life course.

The first element of all transformation is awareness. Begin by writing your birth-related programming, modeling, and the specific incidences you have witnessed in your family history. Become conscious and watch yourself. Observe your thoughts, your beliefs, your fears, your habits, your actions, and your inactions. Put yourself under a microscope.

Instinctively, women know what kind of birth they want, yet at times they fight with themselves and others over their right to have the kind of birthing experience they prefer. Despite their initial impulse, they may even begin to question their own decisions. This lack of trust in our instincts often generates from a sense of not belonging. Maybe we were told we were a mistake our parents made, or maybe dad wanted a boy and not a girl.  After you have taken the first steps to become aware of your indoctrination and you come to a place where you own your right to be here in this world, you can turn your attention to your right to have the birthing experience you deserve and desire.   To have something new, you must let go of the old.  Here is short version of a “Letting Go” visualization, I offer in my classes:

Letting Go Meditation

Immerse yourself in a warm tub, and let go of all that no longer serves you.  Close your eyes and imagine that long silver strands connect you to those people, places and things that are no longer acceptable in your life.  Ask your Higher Power to give you shears of light, and with loving thoughts begin to sever all ties that bind you to each and every person, place and thing that no longer works for you in your life.  As you do this, send forgiveness, love and good wishes, and let go peacefully.

You are protecting yourself and your child; you are making room.  You might need to do this paring more than once before you can feel you have truly let go.  Don’t fear. It is okay. Cutting ties with those who encumber you doesn’t mean you will never see these people again, never talk to them again.  With this spiritual pruning you begin to learn to release the negative hold they have on you.  You are making room for your baby, clearing away knots that shadow your life.

Lastly, let me give you one important fact:  studies have shown that 45,000 women each year in the United States alone, experience a painless childbirth. As long as one person can do, we all can.

When a person is angry, hungry, sick or tired, he or she is more likely to indulge in behaviors they will later regret. Extra vigilance is required of us, when we’re in any of these states. How many times have you found yourself saying, “I can’t believe I said that, did that, or behaved that way”? If you look back at those unfortunate moments, you’ll invariably find that what you regret is something you did while “under the influence” of one of these states.

When we experience anger, hunger, sickness or tiredness our adult-mature conscious self is weakened and our unconscious steps forward. The unconscious mind is childish, immature and juvenile, as it is the product of beliefs, attitudes and behaviors that were created when we were little. As children, we learned to act — in order to survive, to be loved, liked and accepted. If you recall a specific undesirable action from your past, often words such as immature, irresponsible or childish come to mind. By using the nine months of pregnancy as a wonderful opportunity for self understanding we can discover our own automatic responses and bring them to the light of consciousness.

In talking to clients, I realize that almost all of these conditions happen during labor.

Then, the intensity of the contractions can lead to feeling overwhelmed, and that may produce anger.

You may experience hunger if you go to the hospital, where laboring women are not allowed to eat.

You might have the impression that you’re sick, given the intensity of the waves, on top of their unfamiliarity.

Of course you’ll be tired: labor is a lot of work!

Taken together, these conditions are likely to prevent your recognition of what is really happening: you are having a baby. This shutdown can trigger the unconscious, so that you find yourself reacting with panic, tension and stress to the normal course of birthing. No matter how prepared you are, no matter how much you have visualized your desired outcome, susceptibility grows under the intensity of the contractions. You can prepare yourself for these untoward moments by learning more — about yourself, your reactions and behaviors in crises — as you begin to practice self-care and self-realization.

Anger

Anger happens when we think that things are not going our way; when we think that our needs and desires are not being met. When we worry about what others think of us, or about what God is giving us that we think we cannot handle, some of us get angry directly at God. In anger, we think that God is punishing us for something we have done, or not done, or that God is withdrawing his/her help: that he/she does not care about us.

When angry our body tightens, our muscles contract, and some of us begin trembling. In short, these physical manifestations of anger prevent us from relaxing and having a painless childbirth. So let’s look at our reactions when we are angry: where do they come from? When we lash out in anger our reactions almost always come from fear. We fear we might not have made the right decision, so when someone is resistant we fly into anger and try to convince them they are wrong. Afraid of abandonment, we scream at a lover when we imagine the faintest possibility that he will leave us. Fearing that we are not good enough, we read into our boss’s or coworker’s words what we fear they truly think of us. This fear of what others think of us leads us to resent the folks at work: a resentment that grows out of our own negative self-concept. We fear that our own choices are not right and thus anyone who contradicts us reminds us of our own doubt. Small wonder that this circle leads us to fear losing control over the situation.

While anger is sometimes justified, the intensity of our feelings is proportional to our fear of what others think of us, or to our need to be right. For example, I often tell those clients who have chosen a hospital birth that they need not explain their birthing preferences to the nurses such as having an Heplock versus an I.V. – or wanting to hold the baby on their chest as soon as he/she is born. All they have to do is present their birth plan, signed by the doctor, and remind the nurse of their preferences as they get checked in. So to an insistent nurse who wants to place an I.V. on a laboring woman because ‘it is the hospital procedure’, I suggest my client simply say “No, thank you.” There is no need to explain why, no need to get angry at the nurse, who is only doing her job as she is used to doing it. There is no need to bring the nurse up-to-speed on the several reasons why a laboring woman should not have an I.V.

To interrupt these negative, established patterns of self-defeating behavior and retrain ourselves to see life more in the moment, it is important to identify the roots of our fears, as well as those agreements we have made with ourselves about how to behave in moments of distress. First we review all of our decisions and choices about the birthing experience we desire. We look to see which ones are not so firm, and which do not have our entire self-confidence behind them. For instance, I had a client, let’s call her Carmen, who found herself walking on the beach one day, contemplating whether to have a home birth or a hospital birth. Our paths crossed while I was on the telephone with a colleague, recounting a recent birthing experience. Hearing my telephone conversation, Carmen approached me. “Excuse me,” she said, “I could not help but hear that you are somehow involved in the birthing industry. Are you a midwife?” I gave the condensed version of what I do and she said, “I cannot believe the coincidence! Here I am, asking God to send me a sign so that I can make up my mind about home or hospital birth, and as soon as I finished my request I meet you!”

We talked at length about the pros and cons of both experiences. I asked her to go inside and ask herself which one made her feel more comfortable and happy. She decided that she wanted a homebirth so I suggested a few midwives she could interview. Once the midwife was chosen, Carmen wanted hypnotherapy, to rid herself of the fear that often attacked her; it was foreseeable that that fear would cause her to question her homebirth decision. During the hypnosis sessions we discovered that a series of grave events, perpetrated either by a controlling mother or by an adult molester, had lead Carmen, as a little girl, to conclude that she did not deserve to have her desires fulfilled. Having heard, “You don’t know what you are doing!” often, she totally embraced that belief. Asked how that belief manifests itself in the decisions she makes on a daily basis, she responded that she constantly questioned her own judgment. Indeed, she would have long exhausting fights with herself about every single ‘important’ decision.

To heal such a core belief, we did two things. First I made her write down the very first time she had felt incapable of making good decisions. Then I asked her to remember the feeling she felt at that very moment. Following that, she wrote down how those feelings are reflected in her life today. Lastly I asked her to look inside and state what the higher truth about herself was. From that writing she discovered that the initial feeling was helplessness and that she felt she did not deserve to be happy. Her higher truth was: “I am capable of making decisions about my wellbeing and I deserve to be happy.”

We used that as a daily affirmation, one that she would tell herself every morning and every evening before going to sleep. Then we proceeded with the next part of the healing process. Before we began this delicate phase of the healing process, I wanted to make sure there was a clear understanding. Carmen had worked for many years with a professional psychologist on this issue; she felt she was ready to work with me on it, and knew how to go back and relive the incident from a witness point of view. I do not recommend you do this alone if the memory is violent or has been a truly traumatic event. But if you have worked on it with a professional and feel confident you can handle it, this process is for you. The best practice is to enlist a professional to help you on your journey.

Via hypnosis we went back to that very moment when she had felt for the first time that she was helpless. In her case it was when the molestation began. We brought the adult Carmen into the picture. The adult stood between Little Carmen and the perpetrator and demanded he stop what he was doing and never do it again. I allowed her to find her own words to confront him and I coached her to tell him what she wanted to tell him without anger, in a firm and resolute voice. I told her not to explain too much to him, but to state her desires in a sentence as short as possible. I also suggested she listen for any response he might have. Surprisingly, he had quite a few, to each of which she repeated her statements — until he disappeared.

Then I asked her to turn around and face her little self. Adult Carmen went down on her knees and told her Little self that she would be with her from now on and that she would protect her from everyone and everybody. She also asked for a hug and promised never to abandon her Little Carmen. Still under hypnosis, we came back to the present time, and she visualized her fears of the homebirth as lit candles were placed before her. We then asked Little Carmen to run up to the candles and blow them out. Tears were streaming down her face: the healing had begun.

Hungry

Historically, women have always been advised to eat and drink during labor as long as they could and were able to do so.

So what is the thought behind not eating in labor?

Well, simply put the concern was in case you had to be put under general anesthesia. The fear was that if you vomited you could maybe potentially aspirate food into your lungs.

The facts are:

1) This level of risk is minimal and even more so since – even if you need a c-section – general anesthesia are no longer favored. Most women would receive an epidural instead.

2) Anesthesiologists are well trained and know how to avoid such an incident from occurring.

3) This line of thinking is faulty from the start since your stomach is never truly empty as it always contains gastric juices.

4) Prolonged fasting increases the amount of hydrochloric acid in your stomach which can in turn increase the complications with aspiration.

5) We would not call “good science” to make recommendations on only one study done 60 years ago.

My suggestion is to eat a good, hearty meal at the onset of your labor. Following that up with small meals throughout, such as avocados, tomatoes, lettuce, tahini, apples, nuts, energy bars and protein drinks keeps the laboring mother’s blood sugar at a healthy level. At the hospital, sneak in the food if you have to, or discuss this issue with your care provider beforehand. Nowadays, many nurses and doctors will actually allow you to eat during labor, even at the hospital, as long as they “do not know about it”!

Sick

Of course you are not sick; you are having a baby! The experience, while intense, is not unnatural. Sickness is what happens when pain does not go away, when you don’t know why you are in pain, and when you know that something unnatural and terribly wrong is going on.

During labor, two things often happen. To begin with, you experience strong sensations, or contractions, that are very unfamiliar. Their intensity resembles something you’ve previously experienced only when sick. Secondly, your unconscious “knows” that one goes to the hospital when there is something seriously wrong. Often, in the midst of active labor, clients give me a look that says “What’s wrong with me? This is intense!” That is when I remind them that this is what it feels like when the baby is working hard to come into this world. Then I encourage them to concentrate on the time between contractions.

Managing the waves of contractions one minute at a time, and focusing on the time in between, when you experience the absence of painful sensations, is the key to fighting this feeling of dis-ease. Prepare yourself to stay in the moment; do not anticipate the next contraction; manage one at a time and revel in the time in between. Illness does not permit such breaks! If you are birthing at home, keep reminding yourself that you are having a baby by visiting the nursery, looking at your baby’s clothes and fantasizing about holding your baby in your arms. Often I suggest that mom (in her daily conversations with the baby) asks her unborn child what their favorite color is and whether they want any special object, drink or food during their exit. Often this will become a great reminder to the mother that the baby is working as hard as she is in this process; meanwhile, she becomes the adult, telling him that together they can do it.

If you are going to a hospital make sure you walk yourself to the labor and delivery ward. Decline, firmly but gently, the wheelchairs offered and, if you can, decline the hospital gown. Instead, use a loose t-shirt or night gown that you can easily raise above your belly and that allows for easy access to your breasts. A hospital gown can be interpreted by your unconscious as proof that you have become a patient, as opposed to being a client who has chosen to avail herself of the hospital’s birthing facility. Once in the room, make sure you have someone lower the lights and put some soothing music on. Tell the staff that you want to walk and move around as much as possible, as long as everything is ok. The staff will want to check the baby’s heart beat, but all you really need is occasional monitoring, to appease their fears. Make sure that you can take a bath or a shower, as you would at home: the gentle rolling of the water on your belly or back will definitely help you relax.

Tired

Babies simply love to begin their journey at night. In fact they often choose to descend in the middle of the night, waking mom up and making it difficult for her to go back to sleep. At night you are finally totally relaxed; no wonder that the body figures, “This is a good time to start working.” And so labor starts! Relaxation, total relaxation is the sure way to a gentler, painless childbirth. Alas, when we feel an intense sensation our body goes into “Fight or Flight” mode and we tense our entire body: every muscle in it. This tension prevents the uterus from having the space it needs to gently contract and, as I call it, “Hug your baby all the way out!”

Since labor so often starts in the middle of the night, it is imperative that you discuss ways you can relax with your care provider. What I mean by that is: ask his/her opinion as far as your having, say, a single glass of wine at the onset of labor. You should not have had any for nine months, so one single glass at this point will do the job without negative side effects. I know: in this culture the mention of wine for a pregnant woman is considered sacrilegious. Why it is ok to go to the hospital and have an opiate injected directly into your spine during labor, while alcohol is taboo, I’ll leave you to evaluate. Other ways to relax and go back to sleep include: a soothing massage, a self-hypnosis tape, a boring book on a CD (that often works for me,) a warm bath, a cup of hot milk and honey, one benadryl (often given to pregnant women to control itching, and known to cause drowsiness). In other words, be prepared with a bag of tricks to help you go back to sleep. If you cannot go back to sleep, then you might as well go on a walk — not by yourself and make it in a very safe place; get on the treadmill; make yourself a significant night snack (in Italy we call it ‘spaghetti a mezzanotte, ‘midnight spaghetti,’); or turn the music on and dance. But do commit to taking a nap during the day or before you leave for the hospital, if that is where you are going.

There are four main activities I suggest my clients rotate during labor: rest, eat and drink, walk and take a bath or a shower. And of course, call your doula to let her know that you are in labor, so she can get prepared.

Through observing the reactions you commonly have when you are angry, hungry, sick, or tired, you can learn to recognize and then to manage these states, and better prepare for labor and delivery.

The cesarean rate is alarmingly high in many industrialized countries, causing unnecessary risks to both mother and baby. In United States the cesarean rate in 2007 was 32% one of the highest among the industrialized countries. In California is as high as 37% and in some hospital it reaches 45%. This is a crime.

Most natural childbirth experts agree that there is an epidemic of medical interventions like induction or cesarean surgery all over this planet.    When otherwise healthy women are exposed to the risk of cesarean surgeries or induction without a distinct medical need, these women also will have an increased risk of death and injury in childbirth.

“For a nation that’s spending more on maternity care than any other nation in the world, the U.S. trend line on mothers’ health is going in the absolute wrong direction,” said Sharon Dalrymple, president of Lamaze International.  “The irony is that too much medical care may be fueling the growing number of women being injured or dying in childbirth.”

When doctors suggest a cesarean

Birth can be a slow and unpredictable process, which requires little or no technology. Yet, surrounded by all the gadgets and the gismos of modern technology, the industry of birth tends to want to use them. Many reasons given for a cesarean, especially prior to labor, can and should be questioned. A cesarean section is major abdominal surgery; the infant is delivered through an incision in the mother’s abdomen and uterus.

There are very few true indications for a cesarean section in which the risks of surgery will outweigh the risks of vaginal birth. Some cesareans occur in critical situations, some are used to prevent critical situations. Scheduled cesarean due to the size of the baby, done for convenience of the patient or doctor, the “too posh to push” trend, is mostly accepted by most mom due to lack of detail information on the consequences for both mom and babe of such procedure.

Berna Diehl, in her article Despite International Decline, Maternal Deaths a Growing Concern in U.S., for Lamaze International, tells us: “While better record keeping may account for part of the increased rate of maternal deaths in the United States, many experts agree that these data indicate a real increase in the number of women dying in childbirth.   The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention identified a 27 percent increase in maternal injuries, which were primarily related to cesarean surgeries.   Additional res earch also showed that for every 5 percent increase in the cesarean surgery rate, there are an expected 14-32 more maternal deaths and a total of 5,000-24,000 more surgical complications.

The risk of death following cesarean surgeries is more than three times higher than for vaginal births. According to an Amnesty International report, American women have a higher risk of dying from pregnancy-related complications than those in 40 other countries and cesarean surgeries are performed in nearly one third of all deliveries in the United States – twice as high as recommended by the World Health Organization (WHO).”

From the latest document by the Coalition for Improving Maternity Services here’s what we learned:

Potential Harms to the Mother[i]

Compared with vaginal birth, women who have a cesarean are more likely to experience:

• Accidental surgical cuts to internal organs
• Major infection.
• Emergency hysterectomy (because of uncontrollable bleeding)
• Complications from anesthesia.28
• Deep venous clots that can travel to the lungs (pulmonary embolism) and brain (stroke).
• Admission to intensive care.58
• Readmission to the hospital for complications related to the surgery.
• Pain that may last six months or longer after the delivery. More women report problems with pain from the cesarean incision than report pain in the genital area after vaginal birth.
• Adhesions, thick internal scar tissue that may cause future chronic pain, in rare cases a twisted bowel, and can complicate future abdominal or pelvic surgeries.
• Endometriosis (cells from the uterine lining that grow outside of the womb) causing pain, bleeding, or both severe enough to require major surgery to remove the abnormal cells.
• Appendicitis, stroke, or gallstones in the ensuing year.
• Gall bladder problems and stroke may be because high-weight women and women with high blood pressure are more likely to have cesareans.
• Negative psychological consequences with unplanned cesarean. These include:
• Poor birth experience, overall impaired mental health, and/or self-esteem
• Feelings of being overwhelmed, frightened, or helpless during the birth.
• A sense of loss, grief, personal failure , acute trauma symptoms, posttraumatic stress, and clinical depression.
• Death.

Potential Harms to the Baby

Compared with vaginal birth, babies born by cesarean section are more likely to experience: Read the whole document by following this link.

• Accidental surgical cuts, sometimes severe enough to require suturing.
• Being born late-preterm (34 to 36 weeks of pregnancy) as a result of scheduled surgery.
• Complications from prematurity, including difficulties with respiration, digestion, liver function, jaundice, dehydration, infection, feeding, and regulating blood sugar levels and body temperature.25,26 Late-preterm babies also have more immature brains, and they are more likely to have learning and behavior problems at school age.
• Respiratory complications, sometimes severe enough to require admission to a special care nursery, even in infants born at early term (37 to 39 weeks of pregnancy). Scheduling surgery after 39 completed weeks minimizes, but does not eliminate, the risk.
  • Readmission to the hospital.
  • Childhood development of asthma,3,78 sensitivity to allergens,61 or Type 1 diabetes.
  • Death in the first 28 days after birth.

The Risk of Late Preterm Birth[ii]

Prematurity is the leading cause of death in the first month of life, and even late preterm infants have a greater risk of respiratory distress syndrome (RDS), feeding difficulties, temperature instability (hypothermia), jaundice and delayed brain development.

Inductions may contribute to the growing number of babies who are born “late preterm,” between 34 and 36 weeks gestation. While babies born at this time are usually considered healthy, they are more likely to have medical problems than babies born a few weeks later at full term (37-42 weeks).

A baby’s lungs and brain mature late in pregnancy. Compared to a full-term baby, an infant born between 34 and 36 weeks gestation is more likely to have problems with:

• Breathing
• Feeding
• Maintaining his or her temperature
• Jaundice

Failed induction is one of the most common reasons for a cesarean

It can be hard to pinpoint the date your baby was conceived. Being off by just a week or two can result in a premature birth. This may make a difference in your baby’s health.

We have it ingrained in our heads throughout our entire adult lives-pregnancy is 40 weeks. The “due date” we are given at that first prenatal visit is based upon that 40 weeks, and we look forward to it with great anticipation. When we are still pregnant after that magical date, we call ourselves “overdue” and the days seem to drag on like years. The problem with this belief about the 40 week EDD is that it is not based in fact. It is one of many pregnancy and childbirth myths which has wormed its way into the standard of practice over the years-something that is still believed because “that’s the way it’s always been done”. Read more about the lie of your estimated due date by  Misha Safranski.

The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services (CIMS) is concerned about the dramatic increase and ongoing overuse of induction of labor. The U.S. induction rate has more than doubled since 1989, rising from one woman in ten to one woman in five in 2001. This may, however, grossly undercount the true incidence of labor induction. Nearly half of women in a 2002 survey reported that some effort had been made to start labor artificially. The World Health Organization recommends no more than a 10 percent induction rate. Despite modern techniques, induction of labor still introduces considerable risk compared with natural onset of labor, and many, if not most, inductions are done for reasons that are not supported by sound medical research.

In some hospital nearly 50% of all women are either induced to start labor or augmented to speed up the process, in some practices here in Los Angeles the induction and augmentation rate is as high as 90%.  That is a staggering number.  Read more about the hazards of inductions.

If your provider recommends induction before 40 weeks

I used to tell my clients remember there is no ‘induction police” no one can force you to be induced.  Ask the right questions and participate in your care.  I also want to remind you that it is better to ask for support than permission, so instead of saying “Unless it is an emergency can we wait to induce at 42 weeks’ I would suggest you use a more proactive tone something like, “Unless there is a medical emergency I would like not to be induced before the 42 week of gestation and would love your support on that.”   Here are some questions:

• Is this an emergency? If not, I would like to wait a little longer? If it isn’t an emergency NEGOTIATE ask for the whole 42 and inch your way toward a compromise.  Be willing to go and do as many non-stress tests as the provider require (where they listen to the baby’s heart beat), use that time to talk to your baby and tell her she is welcome.
• Is there a problem with my health or the health of my baby that may make me need to have my baby early?  Use studies and statistics about prematurity.  Bring flyers with you.  March of Dimes is a great place for info so it’s CIM. Also get specifics on the medical reasoning behind the induction.  Often the amniotic levels are cited as a reason.  Amniotic fluids at 5ccm or less can be a reason for induction.  More than 5ccm usually is O.K.
• I would like to wait for as long as it is safe (even 42 weeks if all is well) before we consider other alternatives to a natural birth
• What is my Bishop Score? Become familiar with the chart and make sure your body is ready to be induced. Follow the link of the Bishop Score.
• Can you tell me how low the
• Can we discontinue the induction if things aren’t progressing? At what point?
• How long will I be able to labor before a cesarean delivery becomes necessary?

What you can do

• Let labor begin on its own
• Walk, move around and change positions throughout labor
• Bring a loved one, friend or doula for continuous support
• Avoid interventions that are not medically necessary
• Avoid giving birth on your back and follow your body’s urges to push
• Keep mother and baby together; it’s best for mother, baby and breastfeeding

[ii] http://www.marchforbabies.org/

THE SOUND OF CREATION

The element represented in the fifth chakra is sound. In the Eastern philosophies, mantras or chants are often used during meditation to reach a state of transcendence. When we meditate, our minds can go into chatter and it can be very difficult to stop it or silence it. I’ve found that chanting a mantra during meditation helps me focus.

During the birth of my daughter, I discovered the sound Ah. This sound is used as a mantra in one of the most ancient forms of meditation. In India, it is believed that Ah is the first sound of creation, the root mantra and primal sound which all creation issues forth. Dr. Wayne Dyer, who made this chant popular in the early nineties, noticed a common denominator between this sound and the sound we make when pronouncing the many names given to the creator. See for yourself by saying these out loud: God, Atman, Ra, Buddha, Tao, Krishna, Allah, and Yahweh. All these names have one sound in common, the sound Ah. People refer to the “ah-ha” experience when they talk about a moment of sudden insight or discovery, the sudden finding of a solution to a problem. Ah is what we say in the moment of ecstatic conception. Ah is what we exclaim when we feel satisfied, when we finally exhale. Ah is the sound of creation.

In labor, the sound Ah is instrumental for two purposes: it will guarantee you’ll keep a rhythmic breath, and it will give voice to the feelings you are experiencing. The sound should come from a very low point in your body. In fact, it should generate right at your uterus and move up through all the chakras until it reaches above your head and transports you into the sacred place of creation. If done properly, your body will not be able to tense up while chanting. Chanting the sound Ah keeps us aligned with the universe, our body, and our child.

Here is how you can practice it. Find a time in your day when you can comfortably sit undisturbed for at least twenty minutes. Close your eyes and take a deep breath in. As you exhale, float with the sound of AHHHHHHH. When you make the sound, place one hand on your belly and feel the sound as it resonates into your uterus. Make sure the sound does not come from your throat, or it may get sore.

Now continue to chant AHHHH, and imagine the wave of a contraction arising in your body. Ride it with the sound, as you would ride a wave, and relax in between, envisioning your cervix opening up like a flower. You will notice that as you vocalize the sound Ah, you cannot tense up your bodyit brings total relaxation.

Usually, when we are fearful we hold our breath. As we do this, all our muscles tense up and pain increases. With the profound sound Ah, you will create a clear channel from your ninth chakra, down through your entire body, and out of your first chakra, encouraging your baby to come forth.

Sit comfortably, close your eyes, take a deep breath and begin your Ah meditation. Do it every day until you give birth. Become an expert at relaxing every single muscle of your body.

Hypnosis is an ancient form of healing dating back to the times of ancient India and Egypt.  Hypnosis is still widely used in modern China instead of anesthesia for many surgical procedures. “Hypnosis is helpful to anyone who is going into medical treatment, because it helps the person to stay relaxed and de-stressed,” says Joanne Marrow, PhD., professor emeritus at Cal State Sacramento.    The common side effects of therapeutic hypnosis are: improved self-image and confidence, and a profound sense of achievement and empowerment.

How Does It Work?

How you prepare you mind and body is the singular most important factor for the successful outcome of your birth.  Far too often our joy and excitement are over-shadowed by fear, uncertainty and questionable self-confidence. With the help of a professional Hypnotherapist you can reach and embrace your ability to change your state of fear, worry and stress into calm and self-confidence. When your mind, body, and soul are in harmony, you have essentially created the perfect balance for physical comfort, mental relaxation and emotional confidence. Relaxation, achieved through self-hypnosis techniques, releases the fear and tensions that cause long labor. Therefore, pain is lessened and in some cases even eliminated. This is not to say that you will not experience any sensations during labor and delivery, this is to say that hypnosis can redirect your experience of the intensity of labor from an unmanageable sensation, to something you can comfortably manage.  Fear creates tension and tension creates pain. Fear also makes the body release adrenalin, which contracts all muscles preparing for the ‘fight or flight’ reaction, and catecholamine which is a hormone which closes the cervix in response to fear.  In essence the body recognizes fear as a dangerous situation and tells the body to stop labor and flee.  Using hypnosis before labor to understand where the fears lay and during labor recalling how you have learned to achieve a state of total relaxation, labor can transform into a very pleasant and sacred experience. The negative cycle (OMG what is happening to me I cannot handle this) is replaced with confidence, calm, and comfort (my baby and I are working hard to bring a new life into this world.) Through hypnosis, a naturally induced state of relaxed concentration, suggestions are communicated to the subconscious mind.

Can you do it on your own?

Yes. With the help of self-hypnosis audio tapes or CDs, you can train yourself to reach a state of relaxation that can and will help you achieve the birthing experience you desire.  Of course the help of a professional before the birth and during it insures that you will stay on course.  But if you are willing to stay focus and use the techniques learned you can achieve a painless experience. Our subconscious mind directly influences what we think, how we feel, and the choices we make.

Where Do I Find These CDs?

The suggestions used in our Joy In Birthing Bundle technique assure that old beliefs about birthing are replaced by new empowering beliefs that return birthing to the beautiful, peaceful experience nature intended. You may purchase our CD here. Our goal is to help you embrace the miraculous and sacred rite of passage that birthing is for every woman.

Changing Behavior

Once ingrained in our childhood, most behavior becomes largely automatic; we experience a stimulus or trigger and react without conscious thought.  That is why trying to change behavior, emotions or improve physical performance by using only our self-will often fails.   It has nothing to do with our intentions, or our commitment to the change, or our will power: our minds just don’t work that way.  We need to uncover the roots of the behavior, discover how and when they trigger us in our conscious living, heal and rebirth a new behavior now rooted in self-love and self-acceptance working with a hypnotherapist can help you o just that.

In order to achieve our goals, we need to empower ourselves and be ready to change some aspects of our being to make room for another expression of G-d, or our individual notion of a power greater than ourselves.   Your comfort with your role as a mother often depends on what others have told you about who you are and what you should expect; the role your own mother played in your life; and the information you have gotten from friends, relatives, books and or your care provider.  It is up to you to decide: you can live by what others say you should be/do/ or think; or you can take full responsibility for your state – here and now. If your mental and spiritual programming is based upon fear and worry there is only so much you can do on your own to manage your state during labor and delivery.  The waves of labor will take over your conscious state and you unconscious will run wild with whatever information you have given it.

Next Hypnosis and Birth workshop with Giuditta Tornetta

Read more about the class visit here
July 24, 2010
Birth and Beyond
1750 Ocean Park Blvd Suite 206
Santa Monica 90405
to enroll call 310-435-6054

Cost $120 per couple

Rituals:

1. Provide a safe and secure environment for Baby’s development in all domains.
2. Develop Baby’s sense of identity, family traditions and memories, cultural heritage and values.
3. Give Baby a solid foundation which will assist her in adapting to and coping with change.

Daily rituals may seem like chores to harried parents, but maintaining a relatively stress-free attitude can help Baby develop a cheery outlook. Through the simple interaction of daily care routines, Baby learns from you in many ways—through your language, touch, eye contact, tone of voice, pacing, and more. By having day and night time rituals, babies develop a sense of sequence of the day’s events.

Start by splitting your day into two 12 hour slots, say from 7 AM to 7 PM and vice versa, but use your own judgment, see when you baby usually does wake up and go to sleep and adjust the times accordingly.  The idea is not to be strict but consistent.  All babies are different, just like us, not one human being is quite the same as the other. During the day time and the night time, you’ll behave very different so that even the smallest baby can have a sense that there is a change of the quality of life in those two periods of time.

Daytime Rituals

• Create your own simple good morning  ritual, it could be a song, a little water splash on the little face , a change in clothes from pjs to daytime clothes, anything to demarking the change from night to day.  I like to wash the babies’ tushies from the whole night of soaked diapers too.
• Try to have a ‘daytime’ sleeping quarters that are different from the night time.  For instance have a daytime bed, or put baby on the blanket on the floor (if you do not have animals in the house) or somewhere safe where he can be on his tummy (supervised) often during the day.
• In between feedings play with your baby, (read about the games you can play with your newborn here) take her on a walk (even if it is just outside in your backyard,) put her in the sling (read about sling safety) and carry her around.  Talk, talk, talk to her.  We now know that babies understand language while in the womb, so we know that she understands you completely, and her way of responding to your language is sometime, by talking back (we call it cry but that IS her only language), by cooing and trying different sounds.  We encourage this by saying something  like” wow, and then what happened,” or “tell me more,” instead of asking our baby to stop crying (read about talking to the baby). Also read to your baby, sometimes just before you sense your little one needs to sleep, try siting in a quiet place and read  a story. Hold him in your if you can, but if you need to get some chores done then laying down in the same room and go about your business.  Often you will check on each other and that will make you both feel good.
• Once a day (in the afternoon) place your baby for a ‘afternoon’ nap in the night time sleeping environment (even if you have her with you in bed in the night time) and take advantage of this time, and if you can take a nap as well.  This will establish the ‘nap time’ ritual which could stay with baby till 2 or 3 years old.

Bedtime Rituals

“Bedtime is a monumental moment to a baby or toddler, a time of transition in which parents hold nearly shamanistic power to tame the forces of darkness.”

—The Heart of A Family, by Meg Cox,

We all know the feeling after a good night’s sleep. Sleep provides rest, boosts the immune system, helps concentration and memory and generally makes you feel and look better. The same is true for infants, although your baby’s new born needs will be different to yours. Adjusting to your baby’s sleep pattern will be one of your first challenges as a parent. No baby sleeps in exactly the same way as another, and a wide variety of sleep patterns fall within the bounds of normal, healthy infant behavior. Sleeping patterns can also change during phases of teething, illness and growth spurts. Read more about baby sleep here.

Bedtime provides a time of connection for parent and child.  Bedtimes rituals are great for the parent who has been at work all day and needs to bind with baby. Start by feeding baby from one breast only so he’s not hungry during this ritual. Tell him it is bed time as he feeds and tell him what is to come “daddy is going to give you a bath, we’ll put a pajama on read you a story because it is bed time.”  Then give baby a bath, many parents ask me if they must give a bath every night, of course not, remember these are just suggestions and you are in charge of your own baby.  I do not suggest you scrub and soap up your baby every night, I simply like to place babies in warm water before bed time because it reminds them of the womb (safe place in their memory) and warm water calms them down.  Make sure the water is not too cold, not too hot, it should be pleasant to the touch, and make sure the room is warm as well. I used to give a bath to my baby in the kitchen sink as the oven was on warming up our dinner. there is something magical about the smell of a good Italian meal, as you have a bath, and give one, that warms my heart,  ask any of my clients and they will tell you that smelling a good meal has palced them in a much better mood and has made coping with these new days a lot easier.

After the bath give your baby a little massage. TIP: I like to use the hair dryer to dry up babies after the bath, it helps in two ways: first it warms them up and gets all the water off of them (keep the low warm dial on), second the noise makes them calm and I can proceed to give them a massage without a cry.

BE CAREFUL A HAIRDRYER SHOULD NOT BE PLACED CLOSE TO WATER WHEN IT’S ON, THIS IS A HAZARD UNLESS DONE PROPERLY.

To learn how to give your baby a massage, you can rent a CD about baby massage, go to a class , some instructors come to your house, and some will do a free demonstration to train their new certified instructors, Ask you doula, lactation consultant or go on the web and see if there is a school of infant massage in your area. Or simply improvise, I know you know how to rub some oil on your loved one.  I love to use Grape Seed oil as it is food grade and non allergic, you can also use organic coconut butter (if you keep it in the refrigerator make sure  it is warmed by your hands first.) Stay away from perfumed oils of any kind and read your labels (most commercial baby oils are made with what they call mineral oil which are petroleum derivatives.) Put her PJs on and,  as you feed him again, read him a story. When baby is a little older, or as soon as you feel comfortable, consider once in awhile taking a bath with him/her, or have daddy do that.  This is a wonderful way for daddy (or your partner) to bond with baby.

So to recap:

• Feed on one breast
• “It’s bed time” – tell your baby what to expect
• Give her a bath
• A baby massage
• Put PJs
• Read her a story as you feed on the other breast
• Place her in her night time sleeping place – your bed, the co-sleeper etc.

From this moment on when she wakes up try not to play, or even talk too much. Change her, feed her and put her back down to sleep. If you sleep in the same bed and your bedroom is far from where you are going to be, lay her down close by,  but you might consider swaddling her this one time (one time per day only) just to delineate the difference between day time and night time.  Once you all go o sleep and at the next feeding unswaddle her. About cribs and monitors, I highly recommend you and your baby stay close to one another as much and for as long as possible.  Monitors will tell you when your baby is crying, and frankly that only tells you the baby is in great health and wants your attention, what it does not tell you is that the baby is breathing regularly, especially at the beginning of your baby’s life it is good to keep her around the family as much as possible, and if he is particularly sensitive and you have noticed that he prefers to be alone and he will sleep longer ( a few babies do) then go and check once in awhile by simply caressing your baby gently while asleep, but keep in earshot range.

Day time and bedtime rituals help the baby get a sense that there are two different times of the day and things are very different from one to the other.  They also help you organize your day and make you in charge of the day as well. Babies love to feel mom is in charge, after all ow scary would it be for a baby to lead and make all the decisions. But as everything with baby, things are  not so clear cut, some day your ritual will work wonders and some day is all out the window.  Do not despair THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  All you need to do is try to stay consistent, try to again next day, baby will love to go back to it after a difficult day.