Why Your Due Date Isn’t when You Think

By Misha Safranski

We have it ingrained in our heads throughout our entire adult lives-pregnancy is 40 weeks. The “due date” we are given at that first prenatal visit is based upon that 40 weeks, and we look forward to it with great anticipation. When we are still pregnant after that magical date, we call ourselves “overdue” and the days seem to drag on like years. The problem with this belief about the 40 week EDD is that it is not based in fact. It is one of many pregnancy and childbirth myths which has wormed its way into the standard of practice over the years-something that is still believed because “that’s the way it’s always been done”.

The folly of Naegele’s Rule

The 40 week due date is based upon Naegele’s Rule. This theory was originated by Harmanni Boerhaave, a botanist who in 1744 came up with a method of calculating the EDD based upon evidence in the Bible that human gestation lasts approximately 10 lunar months. The formula was publicized around 1812 by German obstetrician Franz Naegele and since has become the accepted norm for calculating the due date. There is one glaring flaw in Naegele’s rule. Strictly speaking, a lunar (or synodic – from new moon to new moon) month is actually 29.53 days, which makes 10 lunar months roughly 295 days, a full 15 days longer than the 280 days gestation we’ve been lead to believe is average. In fact, if left alone, 50-80% of mothers will gestate beyond 40 weeks.

Variants in cycle length

Aside from the gross miscalculation of the lunar due date, there is another common problem associated with formulating a woman’s EDD: most methods of calculating gestational length are based upon a 28 day cycle. Not all women have a 28 day cycle; some are longer, some are shorter, and even those with a 28 day cycle do not always ovulate right on day 14. If a woman has a cycle which is significantly longer than 28 days and the baby is forced out too soon because her due date is calculated according to her LMP (last menstrual period), this can result in a premature baby with potential health problems at birth.

The inaccuracy of ultrasound

First trimester: 7 days

14 – 20 weeks: 10 days

21 – 30 weeks: 14 days

31 – 42 weeks: 21 days

Calculating an accurate EDD

Recent research offers a more accurate method of approximating gestational length. In 1990 Mittendorf et Al. undertook a study to calculate the average length of uncomplicated human pregnancy. They found that for first time mothers (nulliparas) pregnancy lasted an average of 288 days (41 weeks 1 day). For multiparas, mothers who had previously given birth, the average gestational length was 283 days or 40 weeks 3 days. To easily calculate this EDD formula, a nullipara would take the LMP, subtract 3 months, then add 15 days. Multiparas start with LMP, subtract 3 months and add 10 days. The best way to determine an accurate due date, no matter which method you use, is to chart your cycles so that you know what day you ovulate. There are online programs available for this purpose (refer to links in resources section). Complete classes on tracking your cycle are also available through the Couple to Couple League.

ACOG and postdates

One of the most vital pieces of information to know when you are expecting is that ACOG itself (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) does not recommend interfering with a normal pregnancy before 42 completed weeks. This is why knowing your true conception date and EDD is very important; if you come under pressure from a care provider to deliver at a certain point, you can be armed with ACOG’s official recommendations as well as your own exact due date. This can help you and your baby avoid much unnecessary trauma throughout the labor and delivery. Remember, babies can’t read calendars; they come on their own time and almost always without complication when left alone to be born when they are truly ready.

Sources:

Mittendorf, R. et al., “The length of uncomplicated human gestation,” OB/GYN, Vol. 75, No., 6 June, 1990, pp. 907-932.

ACOG Practice Bulletin #55: Clinical Management of Post-term Pregnancy

Painless Childbirth is a Scientific Reality *

A study conducted by CL Pasero and R Britt (August 1998). Managing Pain During Labor, published in the American Journal of Nursing 98:10-11, reports that indeed a painless childbirth is a reality for as many as 45,000 WOMEN EACH YEAR IN AMERICA. One of the universal laws states: if one person can do it, it can be done by others.

Millions of women all over the world experience a natural, drug-free, and painless childbirth. You can too. If you would like to join this growing number, this is what you have to do.  Find out more

Now Get Inspired……

Click the link below to listen to a sample of our MP3 recording.

GET YOUR   Joy In Birthing Home Course PACKAGE HERE

 “45,000 American mothers experience a pain free, all natural birth every year. Our Joy In Birthing program is designed to help you become one them. Click here, to learn how you can have the most intimate and meaningful birthing experience possible.”

Our Intention

We want to facilitate 10,000 Painless Childbirths in the next year, and every years after that! GET YOUR PACKAGE HERE

Our Strategy

One of the greatest fears that many expectant mothers face is the stress and intense pain often associated with the birthing process, and understandably so. In movies and television, we often see childbirth portrayed as a painful and often terrifying experience. Although when I say painless childbirth I don’t mean you will not feel anything, I propose a shift in consciousness looking at childbirth as a miraculous event that will be INTENSE but manageable. Women have done this for thousands of years without the help of modern technology, encouraged by other women they learned how to stay in the moment and ride each wave as it came, one wave at the time, one minute at the time. After all a labor wave (contraction) lasts on an average one minute then you have a reprieve. All you need to do is learn how to manage one wave for one minute… but you can’t do it alone, you must learn how. And that is exactly what the full Joy in Birthing: Home Course Birth Preparation will teach you.

Bringing a life into this world is meant to be an intimate and special experience, free from strong medications and unnecessary medical procedures. It might sound far-fetched in a world that relies so heavily on modern medicine, but childbirth CAN be a drug, and PAIN, free experience. My unique E-Books and audio course, Joy in Birthing: Home Course Birth Preparation, is carefully designed to help any expectant mother experience the wonders of an all-natural birth as comfortably and anxiety free as possible.

 GET YOUR   Joy In Birthing Home Course PACKAGE HERE

How It Works

We often underestimate the power of the human mind, and its control over the body. Through self-hypnosis training, anyone can learn to harness these powers of the subconscious mind to prepare herself to embrace and experience a joyful child birthing experience. The use of self-hypnosis is a practice rapidly growing in popularity, and has many highly respected supporters in both the psychology and medical fields. Joanne Marrow, PhD and professor emeritus at Cal State Sacramento has this to say about the technique’s practice, ”Hypnosis is helpful to anyone who is going into medical treatment, because it helps the person to stay relaxed and de-stressed”. Read what renown OBGYN, Docotrs and Pediatricians say about our products

This series of products is designed to teach expectant mothers how to mentally prepare themselves throughout their pregnancy to achieve a pain-free natural birth, as well as improve overall serenity and knowledge of the various phases of labor and delivery. By teaching you how to remove the myth that pregnancy and childbirth needs to be a painful and stressful experience from your mind, the Joy in Birth home study course can empower you to:

• Learn the phases of labor and childbirth – Knowledge is power, fear is often associated with the unknown the more you are aware of what to expect the easier your birthing experience will be.  Learn about hospital birth or home birth, pain manegemeant, what to expect from your care provider, what test you need, what you don’t need. Find out what you can do to avoid unecessary medical interventions and more.
  

• Sleep more soundly – By teaching meditation and relaxation techniques, this home study course will help you sleep longer and more soundly throughout your pregnancy. A well-rested mom is a happy mom. And, studies show that mothers who sleep well during pregnancy are more likely give birth to healthier babies.

• Release the fears and anxieties of childbirth - Many expectant mothers, especially those pregnant for the first time, claim that the anxiety surrounding the approaching birth can be a stressful experience. The self-hypnosis techniques that I cover in this course are designed to help alleviate those fears and feelings.

• Ease your nagging aches and pains – Let’s face it, carrying a child does place an unusual type of stress on the body’s muscles and joints that can be quite unpleasant. The same techniques that help release stress will help your body remain more relaxed and free of the annoying aches and pains many expectant mothers often go through.

• Improve your mood – The audio contained in this product was carefully crafted to calm and relax the listener, as well as help ease physical discomfort. As a result, many users find that it helps alleviate the variations in mood associated with the body’s natural hormonal changes during pregnancy.

• Achieve a pain free birth – Studies have shown that up to 45,000 women experience the wonders of a painless birth in America each year. You can be one of them, and my course is specifically designed to help you accomplish just that. Learn how to ditch the drugs, and have the most meaningful and intimate birth experience possible!

A Goal Worth Having

As a result of the Joy in Birthing: Home Course Birth Preparation you can achieve a drug-free, painless, joyful and sacred experience, as you learn the tools to manage your labor contractions. Additionally, you will learn how to talk to your unborn child, prepare the way for a happy, peace-loving human being, remove your fears and anxiety about pregnancy, childbirth and parenting, while you are followed step-by-step by a virtual doula.

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS MAKE A SMALL INVESTMENT IN YOURSELF START HERE

STRATEGY

GET YOUR PACKAGE HERE

What’s Included

Our Joy in Birthing series is a collection of e-books and audio content carefully designed to teach you how to have the best possible birth experience. Throughout the home study course, you will learn how to bring your child into the world as pain and anxiety free as possible. Order now for instant download, no more waiting by the mail wondering when you order will arrive. With your order you will receive:

Instant E-book Downloads

• The Book of Painless Childbirth – Go on an empowering and self-affirming journey through pregnancy and birth. This is Giuditta’s best-selling book.
• The Painless Childbirth workbook – The exercises in this workbook will teach you how to harness the power of your subconscious mind throughout each month of pregnancy, leading all the way up to childbirth.

Self-hypnosis Mp3 audio downloads

Click the link below to listen to a sample of  Painless Childbirth Mp3.

• Painless Childbirth – Let self-hypnosis help you tap into the power of the subconscious, and learn to achieve a painless childbirth!

• Turn Baby Turn - Help your baby achieve a perfect head down position

• Welcome Baby – Natural induction Mp3. This recording can help you gently initiate labor without medical intervention.

Order now, and enjoy two complementary, absolutely free products!

• Celebration (Mp3) – This Mp3 is designed to help you appreciate and celebrate to wonders of life.

• Daily Affirmation for a Painless Birth (E-book download) – This collection of daily affirmations was created to enhance the rest of the Joy in Birth collection with daily affirmations regarding a painless, natural birth.

If you act now, you can get all these products for a low price of $75, with no shipping and handling. (Original value $130 which would include Shipping and Handling). Why accept anything less than your desired birth?

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What Our Clients Are Saying

Numerous women have had excellent results using our Joy in Birth products, and have nothing but great things to say! Here’s just a one of the comments that our satisfied clients have sent us, click here to view more testimonials about our products from happy moms and experts around the world.

“Dear Giuditta, I had to write and tell you how much I appreciate your Joy in Birthing CD. I listened to your CD almost every night before bed and practiced your techniques. As you know, I went home to Texas to have my second child and be with my family. I still felt your presence even though you were not with me during the delivery. I had to be induced with Pitocin due to some complications. Your words gave me the courage and strength to endure nine hours of labor without an epidural. I gave birth to a healthy, 8-pound, 10-ounce boy! Jon and I thank you for guiding us again!”
-Love, Kelley
Find out what are the steps to achieve a Painless Childbirth read this step by step guide and then come back to purchase your own home course.

This is a win-win situation

You get amazing tools to prepare for the best outcome at an impossibly small investment — We win the challenge and facilitate 10,000 natural and painless births a years, plus you get the birthing experience you deserve and desire and we both pay it forward by sharing our stories and giving hope and courage to thousands of women all over the world!

About the creator

Giuditta Tornetta is a certified birth and postpartum doula, lactation educator, a certified clinical hypnotherapist, a NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) practitioner. She has helped hundred of women in her private practice and thousand through her books and audio recording, have the birthing experience they deserved and desired. Throughout her career, her expertise in the birthing field has been called upon by some of the world’s largest media outlets, to help shed light on some of the most recent and exciting pregnancy trends. She also runs monthly seminars for expectant mothers, and other birthing industry professionals. She has published hudndreds of articles in both print magazines and on the web both in the US and all over the world. To see more about Giuditta Tornetta, click here

Want to get individual products?  Visit Here

To enroll in a Painless Childbirth Workshop click here

A baby will fall asleep in mom’s arms just as quickly.  A baby will sleep on dad’s chest just as sweetly, without needing to feel like he is back in the womb.  We are too quick to try to get our newborn to stop crying, or communicating. Have you ever thought about how crying for a baby is really talking? Babies speak one language we don’t quite understand right away, so we quickly respond by shushing, telling the baby “don’t cry,” and we are told that if we turn on vacuum cleaners or hairdryers we’ll see the baby’s gaze switch and they will quiet down. Yes, indeed that works, but what about allowing the baby to talk?  Now I don’t mean we should let a baby cry on his/her own, but have you heard how after a few weeks a mom will hear a baby cry and say, “I know that cry, he is hungry.  Or he needs to be changed. “  Mom’s eventually learn their babies language. So let’s change our perception from the baby is crying to the baby is talking, and let’s ask the baby what he/she needs as we offer, food, comfort, cuddle, empathy and love.

This being said one of the reasons why the swaddling methods, as well as the shushing methods, have come to the forefront is because those are tools we should use when our baby cry is making a mom go deeper into postpartum depression, or is making the baby being at risk of being miss-handled by a frustrated parent.  So, if you feel like you need a break or you will go mad, PLEASE SWADDLE your baby and turn on the vacuum cleaner.  Or better call a postpartum doula and go for a walk.  Don’t feel bad if you find yourself frustrated especially from the lack of sleep.  We all felt that way, and the quieting techniques have grown from the empathy felt by some experts for new moms.  But these techniques have become the norm, the crutch nearly used daily, instead of being the exception, the tool used in only special occasions.

So if you can, and I am only asking to put aside a few months of your life for this: hold your baby, go ahead it is O.K. you are not going to spoil her, in fact you might just teach her that what she says counts and you will listen.

“If your only goal were to get your baby to sleep through the night, then leaving him to cry would accomplish that goal. The problem is that the reason the baby stops crying and sleeps is that he becomes so discouraged he gives up trying to signal that he needs help. In effect, he has learned to sleep through the night……… out of despair rather than contentment.” ~ Dr. Martha Heineman Pieper, Author of Smart Love

Come and learn the Baby Right Method with Giuditta Tornetta

Baby Care Workshop

Every Last Saturday of the Mo0nth
1:00 pm to 4:00 pm

Baby Right is a baby care workshop facilitated by birth and postpartum doula Giuditta Tornetta the last Saturday of every month at the Sanctuary Birthing Center in Culver Cit.

In this workshop you will learn:

• How to welcome your baby into the world – the first few hours
• Baby appearance at birth
• Bathing, diapering,
• Soothing techniques, understanding baby’s language
• To swaddle or not to swaddle,
• Baby gear what you should have,
• Introducing your pets to the newborn
• How to create daily rituals that will last a life-time – family dinner – the nighttime ritual
• Understanding baby’s language, cues and moods
• Babymoon how to enlist family and friends to help

COST $ 85 per couple

TO ENROLL:

Call the Birth Sanctuary          310… (please tell them you saw the class on our website)

Read more about Baby Right

Here’s what people say:

“In my pediatric practice, I have witnessed the wonderful work that Ms. Tornetta’s does with my families. I love her work!” – Jay Gordon, MD., Associate Professor of Pediatrics, UCLA Medical School

“Giuditta, a pre- and post-natal Doula, has helped many families learn about Natural deliveries and much more. I highly recommend her.” Edmond Sarraf MD  Beverly Hills Pediatrics

Ellen Watson talks about Esalen Institute, Esalen® Massage and her work from Bianca Childs on Vimeo.

Frequently Asked Question

Do I need to have a VISA for entering Bali?

Indonesia has a visa-on-arrival system for Aus, CAN, US & EU citizens. When you arrive at the airport in Denpasar you will enter the Visa-on-arrival line, where you will be asked for U$25.00 and then your passport will be stamped for 30 days. If you would like to stay more than 30 days, you can extend for another 30 days on the visa on arrival or apply for a 60-day toursit visa at the Consulate of Indonesia closest to you.

Your passport must be valid for at least 6months or else Indonesia will NOT allow you into the country and your airline will NOT let you on the plane… I’ve seen it happen at the check-in counter a few times. If your passport is due to expire in 6months or less, please have it renewed before you encounter problems.

Is Bali Safe?
Although The United States State Department has put out a travel warning on Indonesia, there is no such warning for the island of Bali. Bali tourism is touted by all the major US travel magazines and was recently featured in the Travel Section of the New York Times. Bali is the only Hindu island in Indonesia and has always been peaceful – up until the 2002 Kuta Beach Club bombings, planned by outsiders, which claimed many Australian lives. Since the Bali Bombings the Indonesian goverment has really taken the threat of terrorism seriously and arrested many potential criminals. As for safety in the streets, there is very little violent crime in Bali, especially in Ubud.  One has to take precautions against pickpockets in the Beach areas, just as you would in any tourist resort.

What is Bali’s weather like?
In the rainy season which is December to March the Ubud area of Bali has warm, sunny days (90 degrees) and cools off at night. Rain is frequent but usually light and of short duration.  Dry season is May to August and it is winter in the southern hemisphere and the cool winds coming from Australia can make it quite chilly at night and days are warm and sunny days in the 70s.  The other months are somewhere in between the two seasons.

What about sanitation?
The water we use for cooking, and that runs through all taps is purified spring water.  Most restaurants catering to westerners use bottled water for all cooking purposes.
What about immunizations?
You will be traveling in civilized, built up areas; so even though your doctor may suggest all kinds of things for traveling in the jungle, please impress upon s/he that you are staying in nice resorts and eating at good restaurants.

What about health care?
There are plenty of international medical clinics in Bali – especially in Ubud and outside of Kuta. Since the Bali Bombing, the Indonesian government spent $$ on improving the local hospitals and many more private ones have opened since. If you have a minor illness or ailment, you will be just fine. These clinics usually do not accept health insurance, but they do not cost much. Should you need specialized care in a dire emergency, you would need to be evacuated to Singapore. For this trip, Its best that you buy travelers health insurance with evacuation coverage. Check out SOS international medical clinic.

What about clothing?
It is hot outside during the day and can be chilly at night so bring light clothing in natural breathable materials and layers. Bring a bathing suit for swimming in the river or the spring water pool, but if everyone is comfortable bathing suits are optional.  Good walking sandals are a must. A light folding umbrella, sun hat and sarongs are also good bring. To enter a temple both men and women will need shirts with long or short sleeves, a sarong and a thin scarf as a waist sash.  BALI IS A SHOPPING HEAVEN! Get ready!

What about money?
The exchange rate is approximately Rp.9,000 = US$1.00. Basically, things cost a lot less in Bali. There are ATM’s all over the place that take Cirrus and Plus. PLEASE tell your bank and credit card companies the dates that you will be in Bali or elsewhere, as they might cut off your funds for fraud protection if they don’t know it is you. Asia loves Visa or Master card.  Fewer restaurants and shops take American Express.

Suggested Reading about Bali
See here for great books on Bali: www.ganeshabooksbali.com

What About Credit Cards, Cash, Exchange Rates & Money Changers?
Most small shops, restaurants & tour companies run on cash. ATM machines are rampant on the island, most having the Cirrus and Plus connection. You often get a very good exchange rate via ATM and its convenient. Money Changers are all over Bali, although not all over them trustworthy. Try and stay away from the small storefront Balinese money changers – the guys with hand written signs and made up rates…. The larger establishments, or those that say ‘authorized money changer’, will be a safer bet. In dire time, you can always do a cash advance at a local bank, but it will cost you 18-20% from your bank PLUS another % from the Bali Bank… As far as exchange rates go, if you have travellers checks, their rates are different than CASH. And, the smaller the bill, the less the rate. $5 is worth less to a money changer than $100, and the rate they will give you will reflect that. Make sure that you do not bring US$100 notes from the year 1996. In 1996 Loads of counterfeits entered Indonesia and the stigma still stands. For Credit Cards in Bali – Diners is non-existent & American Express is rarely accepted, although there is an American Express office somewhere on the island where you can go to buy travelers checks and report stolen cards if need be. Visa and MasterCard are the cards of choice. Remember to inform your credit card’s issuing bank about your intended trip or else you will risk getting your credit card accounts frozen from ‘un-expected activity’. Lastly, to see the most recent exchange rate, check here: www.xe.com, but realize that the online rate is rarely 100% correct and will be off by a few cents.

Prices Include:

• Room  in both location choose between shared standard accommodation or deluxe room with private pool and spa (extra charge for deluxe room)
• Two meals – Plus smoothie breakfast – 90 % organic food  offering both vegetarian and healthy protein
• Workshops and guest speakers
• Transportation from Ubud to Mimpi

Not Included:

• Airfare from country of origin to Bali (we will let you know once you have reserved your space about the amazing discount fares that will come up occasionally during the year)
• Visa (entrance and exit required)
• Transportation to and from airport to Ubud. We cannot coordinate this due to the different arrival of guests from different countries.  We can however help with organizing individual or group transportation. Transportation from Mimpi to whatever other place you decide to go after workshop (cost usually is $100 unless you are in a group, you can negotiate that with Mimpi staff at the resort on your own)
• Excursion to the Town of Ubud, snorkeling, massage or spa days (we do however offer a special pampering package for those who would like to enjoy the spa in Mimpi with our expertly trained Esalen massage therapists.  Pleas ask for details.

 Special for  assistants four spots only ONLY $1,200

FULL AMOUNT MUST BE RECEIVED NO LATER THAN April 1st 2012  (Only 2 left)

Assistants will be asked to help with the workshop assist the teachers set up and more

All other participants can benefit from an early bird special –

If you place a $500 deposit now or by April 1st your price will be  $1800 Prices will go up after April 1st 2012  to $2,000 ENROLL NOW

We also offer deluxe accommodation and daily massage treatments  please send an email to joyinbirthing@yahoo.com to discuss these accommodation and prices 

Deposit

Workshops fill quickly, it is advisable to sign up as early as possible. In order to reserve a space, we require full payment or the deposits for these specials no later than April 1st 2012. To help us with our mission and to lower costs, we ask all who are capable of doing so to please pay the full amount of their workshop at the time they make their reservation, rather than only making a deposit.

Balance of payment is due 10 days before arrival. Deposits are payable in U.S. currency only. Overseas residents must pay by checks drawn on U.S. banks or use a credit card.

Back to the workshop page

Cancellations must be made by email to sales@movingventures.org 60 days prior departure.
Moving Ventures reserves the right to cancel any program at any time.

• If you cancel your reservation more than 60 full days before the start of your workshop:  all money paid, less the non-refundable deposit of , will be refunded to the applicant by MV
• If you cancel a workshop with less than 60 days notice:  Applicants who, for whatever reasons (illness, professional obligations, etc.) find themselves unable to participate in the course and have not cancelled 60 days prior to the start of training, are responsible for paying the tuition IN FULL.
• If You Have Applied for a Scholarship /Assistant Program: if you have applied for a scholarship and we have sold them out, we will, at your request, refund your fee in full if you cancel your reservation at least 30 full days prior to the start of the workshop, or apply it for the regular participant price ($1,800).

* Moving Ventures retains the sole right to revoke the participation in this training of any individual participant, at its discretion. MV also retains the right to cancel this training up to and until 30 days prior to the first day of the course, should there not be a minimum number of 10 participants who have paid their tuition in full. In such a case, all moneys received by MVP from applicants shall be promptly refunded.

Cancellations must be made by email to joyinbirthing@yahoo.com 30 days prior departure. 

Additional Information

• Snoring: If you will be staying in one of our shared accommodations and you snore, please come prepared to do everything possible to minimize the discomfort this may cause a roommate—perhaps you should think about taking a private room if possible. If you are not a snorer, please come prepared (earplugs, etc.) for the possibility of sharing a room with a snorer.
• Flashlights: Be sure to bring a flashlight for use at night while walking on the grounds, or to reach the town of Ubud.  Grounds at hotel are well lit.
• Health Services: Moving Ventures has no medical services or pharmaceutical supplies on site. If you will require medical attention or supplies during your stay, please come prepared to administer to your own needs.
• Illegal Drugs: In accordance with local laws, the possession or use of illegal drugs in Bali is strictly prohibited.
• Lost and Found:We have no lost and found once we leave Bali
• Money: We will accept credit cards payment via pay pal or checks.  Please send check payable to Moving Ventures c/o joy in Birthing – 4076 Tivoli Avenue Los Angeles, CA 90066. Please bring sufficient funds for incidentals there are plenty of ATMs in Bali to get cash directly from your bank account but there are exchange charges from your bank.  Also you can change your money at the hotel and or at a local bank.
• VISA To enter Bali you must purchase a visa, you can get one here in the States or you can purchase one upon arrival Visas are $25 US.  There is also a leaving the country fee of $15 US.
• The van from the airport to the first hotel will cost approx $25 let us know and we can arrange this for you or you can take a local taxi. As there will be many people arriving at different times from different places we cannot arrange one van only. We will however be happy to help with this transportation
• Personal Guests: If you like to bring a guest with you not participating in the workshop there will be an extra charge for room and board. Please inquire with an email.
• Smoking: Smoking is not permitted in any accommodations, meeting rooms, or other indoor spaces.
• Valuables: Moving Ventures is not responsible for your valuables. Some room have safes, some don’t, overall Bali is a very safe place but we do not take responsibility for anything lost or stolen.

It is said that when we become conscious of the blockages within each center, and we are willing to do the emotional and spiritual work to clear those blockages, we can obtain deep and incredible healing of body and mind.

How does Chakra Healing relate to other popular energy healing practices?

 The breathing, stretching and meditative exercises used in Yoga are frequently targeted at the energy lines, or Chakras, flowing through the body.

By drawing on their personal energy systems, Reiki masters work on energy blocks within the body, with the intention of healing different aspects of people’s lives.

Traditional Chinese healing sciences, like Tai Chi, assert that the body has natural patterns of qi energy associated with it. Illnesses are seen as the product of disrupted or unbalanced qi movements.

The science of Acupuncture recognizes the Chakras, or as it calls them, the Taiji Pole, as the main energy conduit in the body. In many countries like France, Acupuncture is now an insurable medical practice.

Qi Gong is the Mandarin Chinese term for the Chakra System, and states that qi energy flows through energy channels known as meridians.

Hindu mystics numbered the chakras in the body in the hundreds of thousands. This is very similar to the meridian system used in acupuncture and shiatsu therapies.

However, the chakras I focus on are what I call the nine chakras of creation. Archetipally they represent the element forces of earth, water, fire, air, sound, light, thought, prayer/meditation, and oneness with the miraculous.

The Nine Chakras of Creation and the Nine Basic Human Rights

Usually the most recognized number is seven starting at the base of the spine with the root chakra and traveling along the body to the seven chakra at the crown of our head.  As I carefully watched hundreds of mommies-to-be, I saw that their chakras were emanating incredible energy, amplified by the baby’s own chakras inside the belly.  As I focused further, I saw that there were not just seven chakras, but nine: two chakras hovered over the woman’s shoulders, like guardian angels accompanying her on her journey from pregnancy to birth. When I meditated on the nature of these other two chakras, I recognized that the additional two above the seventh chakra have a Divine quality.  In essence, God provides celestial assistants to each woman when she embodies the Divine quality of being a creator. I began envisioning these two chakras creating a funnel, an inverted triangle, which is also the most ancient symbol of the feminine, through which the Divine would enter directly and become incarnate.

This funnel is a trinity of sort.  The crown chakra which is the chakra representing consciousness, the higher self, and the contact with the divine, the eight which is the awareness of having within us the divine power of creation, and finally the ninth one which is the one where we realize our oneness with the divine.

Psychologically, the chakras also correspond to major areas of our lives (from bottom to top): survival, sex, power (personal power) love, communication, vision/intuition, consciousness, spirituality, and selflessness or unity with the Universe/Divine/god.  Chakras also contain basic human rights that belong to every human being from birth.  Unfortunately these rights are infringed upon by people, circumstances, and culture or religion throughout our lives.  Due to this infringement the chakras can either overcompensate (becoming excessive) or close down (becoming deficient).  In my book, Painless Childbirth, I draw a parallel between the nine months of pregnancy, fetal development in the womb and the nine chakras of creation and nine basic human rights. Each month/chakras has a dedicated chapter a virtual stop on a road map to healing and preparing for the birth of a new self and a painless childbirth.   Using the chakras as the starting point, we can heal ourselves and teach our children the tools for self-confidence, serenity, and self-healing.

Research has show that the emotional stability in each of the parents at the time of conception and pregnancy is most important for healthiest development of the embryo and placenta. As the baby grows in the womb, it is the parent’s responsibility and the one chance in a lifetime to grow learn and change as the baby does. Let’s look at the correlation between the chakras and the baby’s growth. Each month, the baby’s phases of development in-utero recall specific characteristics of each chakra. As the nine chakras are associated with a set of desires and lessons that go from primordial to Divine, the baby’s growth goes from basic survival to oneness with the Divine. When you look at Table 1 and follow it horizontally, you can see this correlation:

Using the chakras as the starting point, we can heal ourselves and teach our children the tools for self-confidence, serenity, and self-healing. Each month, relates to one of the Nine Basic Human Rights, bringing together several modalities, exercises, inspirational stories, and personal experiences to advance in the quest for conscious creation. Once the initial work is done (also with the help of the Painless Workbook available on my website) regular maintenance needs to be applied periodically to make sure the chakras are not closing up again. As mothers often it seems we do all the work before the baby comes and get caught up in the world wind of our love for this new creature (and the sleepless nights certainly don’t help) and we forget the path of self-healing . Some wake up when the baby is a toddler, or even when she first goes to school, or alas some wake up when the child becomes an adult and leaves the nest, and find themselves once on a path of rebirth. We know that deep emotional clearing is not a onetime deal, at times there is the need to dedicate a life time to heal from the past and live in the present moment. In order not to go backward but to get the tools to keep all our channels open and our chakras clear and welcoming of healing and love energy, we need to have a maintenance tool.

Chakra Clearing and Balancing

The chakras act as receivers and transmitters for subtle energies. Each chakra functions on physical, emotional, and spiritual levels. Balance is the key to health and well-being. When there is imbalance it can manifest in many various ways, with a general feeling of “something being off.” When the chakra is cleared and functional, it can perform its work completely, process energy, bring energy to the physical organs and subtle bodies and remove used stale or stagnant energy from the system.

When the chakra is blocked, it stops spinning and becomes dysfunctional. Chakras may become dysfunctional when they are congested with fear, stress, stale or stagnant energy. If a stressful condition continues for a long time, the chakras may close. When the physical body has to function under continued stress (distress) or depression, the chakras cannot spin and work properly. In birth this can result in delayed labor, getting stuck at a certain centimeter, or even the inability to give birth vaginally.

Our thoughts and attitudes can block energy flowing through the chakras as well. Unexpressed emotions can cause the chakras to be overcharged, leading to their closing or blockage. When chakras are closed, energy cannot be transformed and released to the physical body. When a chakra is blocked it needs healing by scanning and removing the barrier. Because the chakras work together as a system, a block in the functioning of one chakra may affect the activity of another.

Chakra clearing helps transform harmful emotional energy like anger, grief, and guilt into positive energy. Healthy chakras can enhance your general emotional and physical well-being and can be achieved by energy that is in a constant smooth flow, refreshed and vitalized.

For this purpose I have created a new recording specifically designed to clear each and every chakras of creation. This clearing meditation can be done as often as possible to prepare for any new endeavors in our lives be it a baby’s birth or the birth of a new idea, job, relationship etc. We know that the power of hypnosis, the power of visualization and suggestion is a powerful tool to help you with your healing.  Everything I create I do it after experimenting it on myself.  After recording this meditation I immediately felt a weight lifted, I was able to identify the blockages on the 4^th and 3^rd chakra and build a strong foundation for more self-love and self-confidence in my life.

Because of the holidays I want to give it to you as a gift, for a limited time only you can get this powerful meditation, no shipping and handling free with the purchase of the Painless Childbirth e-worksbook.  Click here for more info

Painless Childbirth is a Scientific Reality *

We have been helping women achieve the birthing experience they deserve and desire for fifteen years, bringing hope, courage, inspiration and love to thousands of families around the world. We hope our books and products touch your life in a similar way. Give the gift of one of our books or products to a family member, a friend, or yourself. Always a great value, they are a reminder of your love.

Millions of women all over the world experience a natural, drug-free, and painless childbirth. You can too. If you would like to join this growing number, this is what you have to do.  Find out more

*A study conducted by CL Pasero and R Britt (August 1998). Managing Pain During Labor, published in the American Journal of Nursing 98:10-11, reports that indeed a painless childbirth is a reality for as many as 45,000 WOMEN EACH YEAR IN AMERICA. One of the universal laws states: if one person can do it, it can be done by others.

The influence of a vital woman vitalizes us -  paraphrased from Joseph Campbell (The influence of a vital person vitalizes.)

It was Joseph Campbell who, in the 1940′s, first brought to the public’s attention the Mythic and Archetypal principles embedded in the structure of stories.  In his book “The Hero with a Thousand Faces,” Campbell identified the underlying patterns in myths, stories, and spiritual traditions.  In so doing, Campbell created a standardized language that made it possible to uncover and communicate the underlying archetypal structure of these narrative traditions.

This journey has crucial links to Cosmic Law – the Laws that govern all of creation — natural, human, and divine.  The same keys that govern the Universe and are present in all things including  myth, and  the structure of birth.

Here is Campbell’s structure:

Departure

1. The Call to Adventure
2. Refusal of the Call
3. Supernatural Aid
4. The Crossing of the First Threshold
5. The Belly of the Whale

Initiation

1. The Road of Trials
2. The Meeting with the Goddess
3. Woman as the Temptress
4. Atonement with the Father
5. Apotheosis
6. The Ultimate Boon

Return

1. Refusal of the Return
2. The Magic Flight
3. Rescue from Without
4. The Crossing of the Return Threshold
5. Master of the Two Worlds
6. Freedom to Live

Birth as a Heroine’s Journey

All myths are different yet they all contain some common denominators. In analyzing birth as the heroine’s journey I have touched upon all of Campbell’s suggested structural points to deepen the understanding of this sacred and magical moment in a woman’s life. Some women experience all of them while others skip through some of them.  In the end the journey, whether is through the world without or the one within, is a rite of passage, from womanhood to motherhood, from spirit to incarnation. If one is conscious of her actions, desires, and power the other, the baby, comes into this world strengthened in the knowledge of of his/her own potentiality.

Departure

The young maiden dwells in her ordinary world until she is called to set out on the heroine’s journey. The journey from maiden to mother through the birthing experience begins in the ordinary world:  regardless of social, economic or religious status, all women can give birth. The call to adventure is the point in a woman’s life when she is first given notice that once a baby comes into her life everything is going to change.  When a young girl starts her menstrual cycle, she is eligible for the journey. She can choose to enter the journey or not, but she needs to be conscious of her choices, for her life is forever changed. Often when the call is given, the future heroine refuses to heed it. This may be from a sense of duty or obligation, or due to career plans, fear, insecurity, a sense of inadequacy, or not feeling ready.  In other words, a range of reasons may work to keep her in her current circumstances. At times, the heroine enters her journey by choice; she is ready for a change and she is willing to fulfill her destiny in society as the pro-creator of a new life.

Once the heroine has committed to the quest, consciously or unconsciously, her guide and magical helper appear, or become known. This mentor comes in the form of a midwife, friend, doula or more often  a book. The mother-to-be’s soul resonates with a certain birthing experience. She senses that giving birth is a natural thing, something women have done for thousands of years, millions of times, relying only on their innate knowing.

Entering the first threshold, she encounters the industrialized birthing experience, fraught with doctors, tests, ultrasounds and medical opinions. At this point, the woman crosses into the field of adventure, leaving the everyday world and venturing into a realm where the rules and limits are unfamiliar to her.

The belly of the whale represents the final separation from the hero’s known world and self, into the realm of the unknown. No longer can the heroine live an unconscious life: she now needs to ready herself to become a mother to another human being,  teaching by way of example. This is the point where the woman is in between, or transitioning between worlds and selves. The world around her tells her there is one way of doing things,  surrender to the machine,  suspend her innate trust of her bodily temple, and give up her right to experience her desired outcome.  These impositions lead to abdicating all decision to a third party, regarding birth as a malady that needs fixing and management, supervised by an all-knowing doctor who will administer drugs or even surgically remove the baby to facilitate an easier birth.

But the mentor’s voice resonates in the conscious woman’s inner ear, she is the heroine of this adventure, she is the one who needs to make the choices which will bring her to her desired outcome. The inner struggle begins here. The separation has been made, or is being made or being fully recognized, between the established world and the unconscious self and the potential for a new world/self. The baby in her belly begs for communication and participation during pregnancy and for participation in the decision making.  When the woman enters this stage empowered and conscious, she shows her willingness to undergo a metamorphosis, retiring the old self for a new version of self.

Continues Next Page >>>>>>>>

Painless Childbirth is a Scientific Reality *

We have been helping women achieve the birthing experience they deserve and desire for fifteen years, bringing hope, courage, inspiration and love to thousands of families around the world. We hope our books and products touch your life in a similar way. Give the gift of one of our books or products to a family member, a friend, or yourself. Always a great value, they are a reminder of your love.

Millions of women all over the world experience a natural, drug-free, and painless childbirth. You can too. If you would like to join this growing number, this is what you have to do.  Find out more

The road of trials is a series of tests, tasks, or ordeals that the heroine must undergo to begin her transformation. If she strongly feels she wants a natural experience she may finds family members who discourage her, friends isolate her, doctors scare her and in some states, government rules stymie her (home birth being illegal in a few states in the US.) At one point during her journey she may doubt herself – maybe her instinctual desire to do things naturally is not the right one, maybe she should listen to others to the experts, surely she is new at this, surely they know more, better etc…..Her gut feeling is squashed to conform to the rules of the outside world.

In this phase she also encounters allies or seeks them out:  a friend who has had a natural home birthing experience, a doula and or midwife who encourage her to find her own truth. This is a key moment for her partner to stand by her and support her. The support of the partner enriches and strengthens the heroine more than any other ally.  All heroines have partners, who may be helpful or throw the chosen path into doubt.

The meeting with the goddess represents the point in this life adventure when the woman experiences a love that has the power and significance of the all-powerful, all-encompassing, unconditional love that a fortunate infant may experience with his or her mother. It is also known as the “hieros gamos”, or sacred marriage, the union of opposites, and may take place entirely within the woman. In other words, the woman begins to see herself in a non-dualistic way.  She becomes one with the unborn child. This is a very important step in the process and is often represented by a woman beginning to talk with and listen to her baby. Campbell symbolizes this step as a meeting with a goddess, unconditional love and /or self unification;  here the heroine chooses to listen to her own inner guide.

Temptation. At one level, this step is about those temptations that may lead the heroine to abandon or stray from her quest: fear of pain, fear of not being good enough or strong enough. Fear of being different or of being isolated. For Campbell, this is a metaphor for the physical or material temptations of life. Oblivion versus consciousness, comfort versus struggle, drugs versus a natural birth.

Atonement. In this step the woman must confront and be initiated by whatever holds the ultimate power in his or her life. In many myths and stories this is the father, or a father figure who has life and death power. This might come in the middle of the pregnancy when a woman decides she needs to change care provider or needs to confront her doctor and stand her ground. But most likely this will be the birth process itself. Choices have been made. Whether she enters the hospital, where her final battle begins with the machine (very much a patriarchal aspect of the journey) or whether she has decided to have a home birth, she still has to face the final ‘battle’ of managing her contractions till the baby is ready to be born. This is the central point of the journey. All the previous steps have been moving toward this place; all that follow will move out from it. For the transformation to take place, who she has been must be “killed” so that the new self can come into being. Even home-birthing moms need to slay the dragons of self-doubt, fear and pain.  The birth is hereby no longer an ordeal but a miracle: the body knows it must hug the baby out no matter what.

To apotheosize is to worship.  This is a god-like state; the woman is in heaven and beyond all strife. In the context of the birthing myth, one may consider this step as a period of surrender or rest, the baby is in the mother’s arm the love flows freely without thought, outside the real world in the realm of eternal, unconditional, ecstatic love. At times this moment in a hospital setting is negated to the mother.  Baby is separated and mom is left alone stripped from the fruit of her quest.  If the separation is too long both mother and child lose the precious and mystical union.

The ultimate boon is the achievement of the goal of the quest. The baby is born; s/he is in its mother’s arms. This is what the woman set out on the journey to obtain. All the previous steps served to prepare and purify the woman for this step.  In many myths, the boon is something transcendent like the elixir of life itself, or a plant that supplies immortality, or the Holy Grail.  Once again this is a critical moment in the journey; mom and babe need not be separated and processed.  They need each other more than ever to slowly embrace and comprehend this new reality.  Their body is yet to understand the physical separation and the process needs to be gentle and slow.

Return

In many myths for a moment the hero might consider staying in the realm of adventure and refuses to go back to his/her normal world. Why, when all has been achieved, the ambrosia has been drunk, and we have conversed with the gods, why come back to normal life with all its cares and woes? In the birthing myth, the refusal could be interpreted as the fear of caring for the child guided by the heroine’s own instincts. The postpartum blues lurching in the background, the baby is now without; not only is it a reality, there is a sense of loss from the complete symbiotic state of mother and child as well as the beginning of the new hero’s journey of separation.

Sometimes the heroine must escape with the boon. It can be just as demanding and dangerous to return from the journey as it was to go on it. The magic flight could literally be the new fight that mom has to endure in the hospital, to have her baby in her arms following the birth or to room in with her newborn and to shield the baby from all interventions that are routinely suggested in that environment, e.g., elective vaccination, circumcision, elective medicine, formula, pacifiers.

Just as the heroine may need guides and assistants to set out on the quest, often times she must have powerful guides and rescuers to bring her back to everyday life, especially if the woman has been wounded or weakened by the experience.

The trick in returning is to retain the wisdom gained on the quest, to integrate that wisdom, and then to figure out how to share the acquired wisdom with the rest of the world. This phase is often extremely difficult. A woman who has given birth according to her desire will never forget the feat; the sense of self-confidence gained in the process will linger long in the depths of her being. The other, the woman who was unable to have the birthing experience she desired, will keep the teaching in mind and will also grow from the experience. Once victorious, the woman has a moral duty to share her story with others.

In myth, the step called Master of the Two Worlds is usually represented by a transcendental hero. For our heroine, it may mean she is now more competent in both the inner and outer worlds. She may spread the good news, and she can now help her daughter on a future journey.  Ironically all women love to share their experience of birth with others, no matter what when they see a pregnant belly they feel a compulsive need to advise, share and many, pontificate.  Our heroine has become an expert and she want to share with the world her story.  But only her empowered journey can change not only her immediate surroundings but the world. She has become a master of the two worlds. Mastery leads to freedom from the fear of death, which in turn is the freedom to live. This is sometimes referred to as living in the moment, neither anticipating the future nor regretting the past.

The birth is now no longer an ordeal but a miracle: baby in arms, she takes the road back to the ordinary world with the treasure that has the potential of benefitting all from what he has learned from his matrix.

A Journey Within a Journey

The birth is also the baby’s journey from simple ethereal soul, to soul incarnate; the child growing inside a mother’s womb is going through a journey of its own. The water of the womb represents unconsciousness. The soul is dipped in the water, temporarily forgetting its origins. Exploring new territories and mastering its five senses, emotions, and mental abilities, the baby in the womb is instructed by its mentor, the mother, about the adventure ahead.

But the baby hero has come with its own cosmic agenda and the adventure s/he gets is the one she is ready for, maybe even one that the baby has decided to undertake before coming into this world. Thus, it is not only the mother who chooses the birth, it is also the child.  The decision can be shared in a conscious pregnancy.

Ultimately the goal of the hero is to reach some sort of nirvana, thus he/she undertakes the journey.

The hero and heroine of the birthing miracle can only achieve their goals if they are strong in their center. And we can only be aware of our center and harness it if we are conscious and in charge of our life in the present time.  The hero and heroine journey can only be fulfilled consciously. Athletes, dancers, martial artists, and spiritual leaders know about the power of harnessing the body’s center.  It is through having a strong center, a strong core, that you can achieve the seemingly impossible.

When you hold your center and act from that place, you will achieve your goal. In the end, even the various mentors who are showing you the way to your center will not be able to get there with you.  You are the only one who can find your own way.

What we seek in natural childbirth is the experience of being alive, of feeling the rapture of giving birth to another human being, of slaying the dragon of pain, of vanquishing the fear of death, to emerge victorious.

Birth is a heroine’s journey, regardless of the armor the heroine chooses. The difference is clear between those who co-create their experiences and those who abdicate to the dictates of industrialized medicine.

Painless Childbirth is a Scientific Reality *

We have been helping women achieve the birthing experience they deserve and desire for fifteen years, bringing hope, courage, inspiration and love to thousands of families around the world. We hope our books and products touch your life in a similar way. Give the gift of one of our books or products to a family member, a friend, or yourself. Always a great value, they are a reminder of your love.

Millions of women all over the world experience a natural, drug-free, and painless childbirth. You can too. If you would like to join this growing number, this is what you have to do.  Find out more

“Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.”  Alison Boulter

Each individual is unique in many ways. However, sometimes this feeling of specialness can get in the way of an honest, fulfilled, and shared life. Believing in their uniqueness can prevent people from seeing the reality of their situation and can become a form of denial. Take, for example, the cigarette smoker who is able to continue his habit even though he knows the statistics of smoke-related lung cancer. Some smokers console themselves with the idea that: It will never happen to me! I’m different. Others declare: I don’t want to think about it right on. I just want to enjoy my smoke. This is a dangerous way of thinking. Yet, it is, unfortunately, all too common. This attitude is known as terminal uniqueness.

The term “terminal uniqueness” has been used often in the world of addiction. Substance abusers feel they can indulge in most dangerous behaviors and nothing will ever happen to them. Codependents who isolate from the world feel that the abuse they have endured or are experiencing is unique. They fear that most people will not understand them or, worse, ridicule them. Ashamed, they would rather isolate than share their histories for fear of rejection and/or judgment.  Frequently, in recovery,  the addict and the codependent come to realize that they are children living in a grownup body, who for whatever reason, failed to mature.

Terminal uniqueness present during pregnancy and birth.

One example of terminal uniqueness in pregnancy is a woman who believes that she is so special that she doesn’t need, or should not have to do the work of child birthing. She is too comfortable in her life, and thinks that the concept of “labor” is for the masses, not for the exclusive or the elite.  These women have even been given a nick name: too posh to push.

Once, a woman came to me to discuss my postpartum services.  When I asked her about the upcoming birth she nervously chuckled and told me that she had chosen an elective cesarean birth. She said, “I just don’t have time for an unpredictable labor, and all that mess I hear comes with it. Besides, I am doing all the work in carrying this child already. Look what it has done to my body! I need and want to schedule when to get this baby out,” and, she continued with a wink, “I definitely don’t want to stretch down there.”

 We spent some time talking about what was really behind her decision and came to realize that her “posh” attitude was hiding is fear. She feared not being good enough to labor and deliver a child. She was terrified of pain. No one had told her about the consequences nor the pain related to cesarean births. She was afraid that she would be judged harshly by her friends and family, who all seemed to have chosen the cesarean route and even suggested the perfect OBGYN who would absolutely never question her choice. She was scared of losing a perfect façade or body image in front of her partner. Finally she talked about the horror stories of birth shared in the media. A proper woman would not scream, insult the doctor, and even poop in public! She could not see herself going through a vaginal birth. To her, it sounded too animal, raw, scary and out of control. She believed that she was so unique that even Mother Nature’s design did not apply to her.

Terminal uniqueness knows no socio-economic bounds.  Women, who are survivors of abuse, molestation, or rape, may fall into the terminal uniqueness category as well. They may think: “Nobody can help me. I’m too messed up. You could never understand what I’ve been through.” “I am so ashamed of my past I do not want to talk abouy iy and mix pregnancy and childbirth, with any horrible memories”

We can’t stress enough the need for women who are survivors to seek the help of professionals, especially during pregnancy, and share their past experiences with their care provider. A pregnant woman needs to choose a provider whom she can trust, someone upon whom she can rely, someone who will understand her during the process. Doulas can be instrumental in such cases. They usually spend more time with the mother-to-be during labor than the average care provider. Thus, they can accompany her on her journey, especially at the hospital, by being the constant, trustworthy companion at her side. Failing recognizing the correlation between abusive experiences and the upcoming childbirth can lead to complications and unnecessary medical interventions. Women who believe that nobody in the world has ever had problems as bad as theirs, sins as unforgivable, or circumstances as unusually grotesque,  may be afraid of their own past, of what people would think if they only knew. They obsess about how others would react, judge, or worse pity them. A client told me, while we were walking around during her early labor, “I’ve survived the worst all alone, so I’d pledged do this the same way.” During active labor and transition she deeply isolated and checked out. This had been her way of surviving the abuse. It took nearly two hours for her to come back after the delivery. At first, she was unable to hold her child to her chest as she was literally no longer in her body. Her hands had no strength. Her gaze was far away. Luckily, I had talked to the lovely nurse who was helping us. She assisted by holding the child onto the mother’s chest as I slowly accompanied my client back to reality, encouraging her to step into the present and into motherhood.

Experts say it’s increasingly clear that traumatic feelings often resurface when a woman is pregnant. Jody, a doctoral candidate in the Faculty of Health Sciences, from safepasssage.info (a site created by abuse counselors who have specific skills and knowledge related to supporting women survivors of abuse through the childbearing year) writes, “…a woman may be expressing extreme pain early in labor not due to her ‘inability to cope’ but because she is being triggered by the pain of remembering an earlier incident of violence or abuse…For some women, it can be the case that they are having a ‘body memory’ of the abuse. They may say or do things that seem displaced. For instance she may say something like, ‘make him stop’, when no one is touching her. She may express what seems to be an extreme need for control in the birthing room, wanting to know who is coming and going, and who is doing what, and when they are going to do it. While all women are entitled to fully informed choices (not just informed consent), it is particularly essential for a woman survivor to know why something is being suggested and to have her choice, if possible, of who provides the intervention.”

Sharing your history and getting the help you need can make a huge difference to the outcome of your birth. Terminal uniqueness stems from fear. Fear creates defensiveness, resentment, and separation. Fear often masks itself in independence, freedom, and autonomy. We end up feeling alone and unsupported without knowing why. What we perceive as strength becomes a barrier to true freedom.

But those suffering from terminal uniqueness are not limited to the too posh, or to the survivors. Other symptoms of this condition can be the need for too much control or its opposite: no personal boundaries.

The Dangers of Terminal Uniqueness

We called it terminal uniqueness because this way of thinking can be dangerous in a number of ways:

• Terminal uniqueness allows people to ignore the likely consequences of their actions.
• Terminal uniqueness provides a false sense of security.
• Terminal uniqueness divides the world into me and them.
• Terminal uniqueness leads to the individual’s thinking that she is either worse off than everyone else or that she is better than everyone else.
• Terminal uniqueness prevents her from seeking help for her problems.
• Terminal uniqueness can be a huge barrier to communication.
• Terminal uniqueness leads to feelings of loneliness and desperation.
• Terminal uniqueness can lead to making decisions against your own true desires

And in pregnancy:

Terminal uniqueness can lead to unnecessary medical interventions, such as induction, augmentation, opiate administration, or cesarean sections.

If an individual views herself as a special case, she will not be able to reach out and embrace her authentic self. She is limited by her sense of uniqueness.

While it is true that living successful and fulfilling lives often means moving out of the mainstream, it is equally true that distancing ourselves from our fellow humans –physically, mentally, or emotionally–can have a negative effect on the quality of our lives.

Each of us is a special and unique individual. We are also members of the marvelous community of human beings, alike in many ways. Too often, we remove ourselves from this energizing unity of souls because we are afraid: afraid we will be hurt; afraid we won’t measure up; afraid we’ll fail; afraid we’ll be viewed as weak or damaged goods.

While people are unique, they also have a lot in common. Our similarities are what bring us together, allowing us to benefit from each other. We don’t have to discover everything for ourselves. We don’t have to make every mistake personally in order to learn from them.  Accepting such similarities doesn’t mean giving up our individuality. It means benefiting from our similarities.

I once suffered from terminal uniqueness. I struggled with the need to be unique for a long, long time. Growing up during the feminist revolution in a culture where women were not highly regarded, I had to fight for my right to be different. I had to be as strong and as  independent as a man to be noticed, to feel I existed.  Because I felt so insecure about my strengths I felt I had to be better than others. I became great at handling crises. To demonstrate this greatness, however, I had to create a great deal of crises in my life!

To prove myself, to show the world how different and special I was, to convince others of how strong and independent I was, I filled my life with dramatic events (some real and some invented) that were hugely self-destructive. I was determined to be unique. I craved and immersed myself in drama so I could emerge victorious—the heroine of the situation.

I devised a code to keep control over my life and, of course, the lives of others. This code, born in my childhood and designed for my own personal safety, was so strict that if you did not behave accordingly you were not worthy of my friendship, attention, love, or companionship. At times, I even had a script you needed to follow. Of course the script existed in my head. Others around me were simply supposed to know it. Nevertheless, if you strayed from it I would feel abandoned, and misunderstood. I would fail to listen to what actually you were telling me. My focus was on catching you breaking my code. I believed in this code. It was all about integrity, loyalty, sincerity, and authenticity. I was righteously indignant with myself and all others who broke the code. I enforced this code until my group of friends became so small I had alienated many people. Most of all, I had alienated myself.  The rules were so strict that I had omitted compassion.  I punished myself when I did not live by my code and punished everyone else as well.   The specific rules by which I wanted to live further separated me from everyone else. I persisted with this code until I woke up one morning, looked into the mirror and realized that the woman staring back at me—was a  lonely terminally unique woman.

Don’t get me wrong! I know I am unique in many ways, and for that I am grateful. But, by recognizing the similarities I share with others, I’m more able to understand them, help them, and learn from them. When we view ourselves as completely unique, we do one of two things:

• We compare ourselves with others. By separating myself from others with an unrealistic view of uniqueness, I’m placing myself above or below them… “I’m better than…” or “I’m worse than…”

• Or, we find ourselves attached to the past, what we wish it was, or the future what we think/wish it should be and we lose the moment, the here and now – what actually is.

By learning to accept ourselves completely, we no longer need to compare ourselves to others.  Real life happens in the moment. One of the most valuable lessons in learning how to be happy is becoming content with yourself at any given moment.

Terminal uniqueness is a fatal condition for souls. It destroys the possibility of having the life we really want. It separates us from the energy, from a support system, and from the community of people around us. It is born of fear rather than passion.  The results can be terminal.

I am in no way encouraging you to simply become one of the masses, giving up the qualities that make you unique. I am inviting you to allow those qualities to connect you to other human beings rather than distancing yourself from them.

Both our similarities and our differences give us strength. The trick to having success, freedom, and joy in our lives is to embrace both, in ourselves as well as in others.

The idea that a problem we face is so unique that no one else has endured anything similar is ridiculous. If we focus only on how we are different from others, we segregate ourselves, thus losing our ability to learn from others. The irony is that, in our society, if you don’t compare yourself to any other person and if you live in the moment you will be unique. Yet, you will have mastered the art of being one with everyone else, blending in in this wonderful world of ours in the sea of humanity, as unique as a drop of water which contains, in itself, the entire ocean. Each individual is indispensable. Each of us is unique, and beautiful, as intricate as a snow crystal. Yet, together, we are each part of the fabric that makes up our awesome universe.

2.       Do you have a good latch on? Breastfeeding is an art, it might take some practice for both of you. You have all the knowledge within you, but you might need another woman to show you how it is done.  If your baby cries during feeding, or seems restless and not really latching on, ask a lactation consultant to help you out.  Most hospitals have them on staff, ask your pediatrician for referrals.  Ask you care provider for a list of specialists in your town.

3.       what is your in your diet? If the baby seems gassy, holds his/her breath as he seems to go all read making noises as if he was passing some stool with difficulty, check your diet.  If you think her “tummy” hurts, asks your pediatrician for help, but for the most part know that babies simply fart a lot… after all their weight sometimes doubles in the next three months. For alternative care (the old school), try homeopathic remedies like chamomile. Look at your diet, maybe she has food allergy (this can last as little as three months or longer).  Start by eliminating all milk products as many newborn are allergic to them, and then eliminate all those food that make you gassy. The trick is moderation.  Cheese pizza, with a glass of milk will not work, but a little parmesan on your pasta it is usually ok.

4.       Is she clean? Does she have a diaper rash that hurts (burns a little), every time she pees in her diapers? Change and wash with gentle water and pay extra attention to the area. Add some lotion, for the next few days. Some of my clients will blow dry the tush after cleaning to make sure it is completely dry (*make sure the blow drier is on warm not hot). I love using calendula for diaper rashes, you can find calendula creams at your local health food store.

5.       Is there too much light / noise / lack of noise in the room? At times babies love lot’s of noise!!!! But I personally do not believe in “white” noise.  I don’t like to hang out and listen to a vacuum cleaner or a hair dryer.  What has helped me and many of my clients is singing. Maybe it is because my mom was an opera singer, or maybe it is because women have sung to their children since the beginning of time, but this really works.  If you are still pregnant create a song with your baby’s name in it and sing it to your unborn child as often as you can.  If you don’t feel creative, take a popular song and change the words to include your baby’s name.  Once the baby is born he/she will be very familiar with that song and as long as you sing as loud as he/she is crying you will see incredible results.

6.       Have you swaddled the baby? Our ancestors have swaddled babies for centuries. Our grandmothers have wrapped up their love bundles into a piece of cloth or a beautifully woven carriage, and lugged their babies on their shoulders or hips taking them everywhere. If it worked for them, it will work for you too. Make sure the swaddle is tight creating the illusion of being back in the womb. Check out the Happiest Baby on the Block DVD. But remember use this as a remedy for a fussy baby, there is no need to swaddle a perfectly happy baby. I like to use and encourage moms to use swaddling as a tool not a crutch.  Swaddling will work in calming your baby down, but he does not be calm all the time.  Read the swaddling dilemma article on this.

7.       Do you have the gadgets? As much as I believe that trees make the best mobiles, here are a few items that really help. An electric tooth brush, no we are not washing baby’s teeth, but these gadgets are amazing for noise.  Just turn one on and place it gently next to the baby’s head and see him being mesmerized by it.  I love those tooth brushes because they are portable and you can hold one as you hold your crying baby, or place one next to the changing table when you change him, or even put one in the co-sleeper again next to his little head.  Basically it is white noise, the same white noise he heard while in your womb, so it will feel familiar. Dr. Karp says it turns a ‘switch’ on in baby’s brain and quiets him down.  It really works.  Because the tooth brush even if it works wonders, is after awhile difficult for us adults to listen to, I also recommend white noise machines. When I spend nights with my clients I make sure they have this little toy called The Sheep Sleep which has a little ‘portable’ white noise machine and I set it to the ocean waves and usually babies love it.  Some purists say we can live without all that… just like some say we could live without chocolate, but why?

8.         Have you enlisted your partner? Give the baby to your partner and have them hold him/her in a football style hold.  This is called side-holding. It is shooting to the baby’s tummy and so very cuddly. You get a break too, and that will help a great deal. Ask them to hold the baby as if he were a football, with the baby looking forward, sprawled onto the forearm, they can also use their thumb as a pacifier.

9.       Is she warm?  Cold? There are parents who dress the baby too much, and those that dress her too little.  A good rule of thumb is look at what you and the people in your house wear. Do the same with the baby, but maybe add a little undershirt.  Note: if the baby is well dressed and swaddled with a heavy blanket, take that into consideration. Use common sense.  Watch for signs of heat: red neck and face, hot around the collar.

10.    Have you tried a bath and massage? I hear you say, “Are you kidding? Giving a bath to a screaming child?”  Well, it has worked for more than one of my clients. Most babies love the water, it is their natural environment. Here is what a client told me once. One day their two month old was a bit cranky, ok she was downright wailing. Mommy and daddy tried everything, and then decided to rush home and prepare a nice soothing bath.  They placed the baby into the  warm water and she calmed down immediately.  It was summer!!! If you can try this, after the bath you may have time for a quick baby massage. Find infant massage classes or rent/buy an infant massage video and follow along. Remember ask yourself how you like to bathe, usually it feels good when your entire body is under water; the outside environment is warm too.  Many baby’s tubs allow only for a wet behind and babies might not like that, full immersion, safe the head, is what a baby’s bath should look like.  You can also take a bath with your baby promoting yours and hers calm.

11.      Have you considered a growth spurt? Yes, those come around periodically. Babies usually eat a lot in those circumstances, so they fuss and you might think they have already eaten. More on this here

12.    Last but not list, have you considered hiring a postpartum doula? Having a woman with you to gently show you the way, not only can be a great help, but it has proven to be helpful in reducing instances of postpartum depression.  Moms are best.  Unfortunately, we live in a world were some of our mothers live far away, some were told to bottle feed, some were told that picking up babies meant spoiling them. So some of us are at odds with our mom’s philosophies, and some of our moms cannot help. Look into hiring a postpartum doula!  Go to DONA.org , (in Los Angeles go to DASCdoulas.org)  organizations with hundreds of doulas listed per state and city.

Once you have gone down the check list, and you have tried everything to calm your baby down, if he is still crying do call your pediatrician.  In fact, if you suspect anything call you pediatrician and go down the list as you wait for his call back, no harm done if the baby has calmed down by the time s/he calls back. Trust in your instincts, ask for help, be resourceful and know…this too shall pass.

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