Joy in Birthing

-Excerpt from Painless Childbirth

We have all heard the words “Ask and ye shall receive.” There are books written about this maxim and innumerable speakers have stated that if we ask for what we truly desire, feel the feelings of our desires and proclaim our wishes as if they have already come true, then our heart’s desire will be manifested. Behind the great blockade made up of “I don’t deserve it,” “I am not good enough,” and “This cannot happen to me,” all our wishes are waiting, ready to tumble through. All we have to do is remove the obstacles. But are words and affirmations enough?

The second part of the statement “Ask and ye shall receive” is the crucial desideratum: “Seek and you shall find.” It is not enough to ask! It is also important to seek, i.e. to go into action. I can spend hours meditating and chanting my desires but if I do not take action towards my goals little will manifest. I am not only talking about the oft-suggested action of getting into the feeling state. Yes, one’s emotional state is very important during an affirmation, but actions always speak louder than words.

So how does one seek, or go into action, in order to find or manifest a painless and natural childbirth? Here are three key actions to take:

1. Eliminate obstacles. What is standing in the way of a painless childbirth? Write down what you think might be, or what you know is, a hindrance to manifesting your heart’s desire. If you are one of those people who often think and say “Nothing really good happens to me,” or “I never get what I want,” you just might be right. When you truly believe those statements and act accordingly you make them true.

I remember a friend who used to say, “I seem to always be in some kind of trouble.” At times he would laugh about his car blowing up, or having to go to the emergency room on Thanksgiving Day, or having to go to court because someone had sold him a lemon of a car. He thought he had a great sense of humor, by laughing it off, yet his continual refrain that, “Something awful always happens to me,” was a very powerful manifestation statement. All his action and efforts centered on fixing things or getting his friends to help him out when things went wrong for him, which created the perfect combination for more of the bad to come his way.

As we were discussing this I proposed he write down the positive aspects of all the drama surrounding him. “Well,” he said, “after a bit of work, one thing I can say is that I have great friends who come and help me.” On further analysis he realized that his sense of self-worth was so low that he had to create dramas to feel entitled to his friendships. In other words, deep within he believed that absent a crisis, or the occasional terrible crisis, he would not have any true friends. He measured friends’ loyalty by how much they were willing do for him in an emergency. The more they were ready to help out, the more he felt loved by them. He was stuck in a truly vicious cycle, going co-dependently from crisis to crisis.

Since he had asked for help, I suggested that he switch things around: he could be of service to his friends. I also gave him this affirmation: “The more friends I have the less drama comes to my life and the more I can be of service and feel worthy.” This would have paired actions with words. He was reluctant. Initially he denied any part in all that had happened to him. He resented the suggestion that he be of service, claiming that he was ready to do anything for his friends, if only they needed him. Actually, since his troubles were always center stage, it was impossible to ask for his help. One had only to call him, to find out that events in his life always outweighed those in the callers’!

He admitted that his life was not working for him, and he resolved to try a new tack. For two weeks he would only telephone his friends to learn how they were doing, and not dwell on his circumstances, even if something had gone wrong in his life. After a few weeks of this, he told me, “The most amazing thing I learned is that I had spent so little time hearing other people that I didn’t even know some of my friends had some really serious problems. But even more incredible is that by talking to them about their lives my dramas just became smaller. By no means has all become smooth sailing, but as soon as something happens to me now, I pick up the phone and turn my attention to what I can do for a friend, and I feel better. No more of the old, “How can I ask him to do this one more thing for me?” I hate to say it, but it is working!”

If you catch yourself saying, “Of course I want to have a natural, painless childbirth, with no medical interventions, but I really can’t deal with pain. I am not that lucky,” you are probably right, and you will not be surprised by the outcome. The good news is that you can change that orientation to disaster by stating what you want and taking action. Begin by listing honestly what comes up when you hear yourself saying things like, “I am not lucky. What I want never really happens.”

For example:

• When I say those things, my husband puts his arms around me and tells me everything will be ok.
• I feel humble. I am not tempting fate if I say “I am not lucky.”
• If I expect the worst, then when it happens I will be prepared
• If what I desire always happened, it would be scary. Saying this makes me feel safe.

You will be surprised by what you’ll learn about yourself. We only do things if there is some kind of reward behind them. Even when the outcome of what we tell ourselves is negative, we prefer to say familiar words ones that produce a “known outcome,” for we fear the unknown more than anything in the world. Once we recognize the misgivings behind our words we can begin to be more conscious of them.

Listen to the recurring phrases you use every day to describe your feelings about this pregnancy and the upcoming birthing experience. Listen to how you describe who you are and how your life is. Find out why you keep saying those things and what the rewards are. As you become more conscious of your words, you’ll find yourself noticing habitual phrases. At first you’ll catch yourself after you have uttered the same old “I am just not good at it!” But slowly you will catch yourself as you say it and eventually you’ll be able to stop yourself before those phrases come out. Finally, you will change the way you describe yourself, your upcoming birthing experience, and your life in general.

Sometimes people get really frustrated at these exercises. Catching yourself time and again doing your negative Spiel, you can begin to feel worse than when you started. Bear in mind, please, that the more you catch yourself the more aware you become and the closer you are to changing your habits and creating a new you. Eventually you can look at your old habits with compassion. After all, most of the things we say reflexively come from our upbringing, from phrases we heard our parents, teachers or older siblings say.

2. Be clear on what you want.The second important step in manifesting with actions and words is to write, in details, what you’d like your birthing experience to be. Be specific and explore how you will feel during this experience. Write each thought down as you feel it. Example:

“Early labor comes on gently at night. I wake up with contractions and I am excited. I wake my husband up and tell him I think this is it. He smiles and helps me go back to sleep with a soothing massage and a cup of tea or a glass of my favorite wine[1]. We tell our son to prepare for the long day ahead and go to sleep as well and I sing him a lullaby. Listening to a meditation tape helps me to manage the waves and I go back to sleep for a few hours. When we wake up we go to my favorite breakfast place and get chocolate chip pancakes. Every once in a while I have to stop to manage a contraction. They are mild and it is easy to do. I feel so happy and a little apprehensive, so I discuss it with J. He tells me he is confident I can do it and allows me to feel my feelings. We leave the restaurant and go to the beach for a walk. The morning air is crisp and the colors are beautiful. I can hear the roaring of the waves and I take deep breaths of fresh air. When the contractions come I put my arms around J. and we slow dance. I feel so proud and lucky to have such a wonderful companion with me. J. is such a trooper, I know he is scared but he has great self-control and he is my rock.”

Details are important, but even more than that are the feelings you experience throughout your story. Sometimes I hear people say to me, “Giuditta, I’d rather not even think about it. What will happen will be exactly what is supposed to happen? I don’t want to set myself up for a great natural childbirth which might not happen and over think it.”

This is a legitimate fear, but it is just that: a fear. By choosing to read this book you have decided to no longer be run by fear, but to take your life in your hands, to give your life over to the care of a power greater than yourself and declare your intentions. What we are doing here is not setting ourselves up for a specific outcome, but setting our intentions, our entire feeling sense, and our actions towards the goal of a natural and painless childbirth. Remember that it is our Father/Mother’s good pleasure to give unto to us what we desire. Wouldn’t you wish a painless, joyous birth for your daughter? Wouldn’t you do all you could to assure she has a wonderful experience? Mother Nature is a loving parent, but she will not interfere if we have clouded intentions, for a good parent does not stand in the way of the lessons we need to learn on our own.

3.  Remind yourself often and feel it as if it has already happened. Once this writing vision is completed, begin reading it to yourself every night before you go to sleep and every morning upon awakening. Some of my clients have recorded themselves reading and acting-out their stories with real feelings on a recording they chose to listen to every night. Remember that you can always modify it, embellish it, and rewrite it.

I can already hear some of you saying, “I am not a good writer, and certainly not a good actor to be able to do all this. I’ll never be able to pull it off.” OK, if that is what you believe you are absolutely right! You will never pull it off, because you say so and you are very powerful when it comes to not believing in your abilities. However, if you are committed to having the kind of birthing experience you desire, and deserve, AS WELL AS to finding ways to change yourself, then in doing this exercise you will have achieved more than a painless childbirth. You’ll have learned how to make radical changes in your outlook and you’ll be able to show your child, by example, which no matter how far one has gone down the “wrong” path one can make changes. I am sure you have heard it before: one of the most powerful ways we can teach our children anything is by example. “Do as I do, not as I say!”

That being said, if you have a hard time writing then draw or paint the perfect birthing experience, putting all of your passion into the act of creation. Hang it up somewhere in your bedroom so that you may look upon it before you go to sleep and feel the feelings that that picture inspires.

The more time and passion you put into these exercises the stronger the results.

[1] Many midwives suggest a cup of wine to calm the nerves if labor comes on at night, so that you may go to sleep. It is an old remedy and I understand it is controversial, yet let’s use common sense. Some doctors are adamant about us not drinking alcohol or taking anything while in labor, but they have no problem approving the administration of an epidural which often contains an opiate. On the one hand, if you have a problem with alcohol addiction this is not a good suggestion, while on the other hand for those who are not addicts a glass of wine during the laboring process is not going to damage the fetus. Ask your doctor or care provider about this; some people is given benadryl (an anti-allergy medicine that makes one drowsy: it is something that is freely given at the hospital once you get the “morphine itch” of the epidural drug, ask your doctor about this before you take it!!!!!!)

 

 

Painless Childbirth is a Scientific Reality *

We have been helping women achieve the birthing experience they deserve and desire for fifteen years, bringing hope, courage, inspiration and love to thousands of families around the world. We hope our books and products touch your life in a similar way. Give the gift of one of our books or products to a family member, a friend, or yourself. Always a great value, they are a reminder of your love.

Millions of women all over the world experience a natural, drug-free, and painless childbirth. You can too. If you would like to join this growing number, this is what you have to do.  Find out more

*A study conducted by CL Pasero and R Britt (August 1998). Managing Pain During Labor, published in the American Journal of Nursing 98:10-11, reports that indeed a painless childbirth is a reality for as many as 45,000 WOMEN EACH YEAR IN AMERICA. One of the universal laws states: if one person can do it, it can be done by others.

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Painless Childbirth is a Scientific Reality *

A study conducted by CL Pasero and R Britt (August 1998). Managing Pain During Labor, published in the American Journal of Nursing 98:10-11, reports that indeed a painless childbirth is a reality for as many as 45,000 WOMEN EACH YEAR IN AMERICA. One of the universal laws states: if one person can do it, it can be done by others.

Millions of women all over the world experience a natural, drug-free, and painless childbirth. You can too. If you would like to join this growing number, this is what you have to do.  Find out more