Tips for Partner, Coach or Friend

  • If labor begins at night, and she is not in a lot of pain, help her back to sleep with a soothing massage, unless otherwise indicated, offer a small glass of wine (check with your doctor of midwife about this) to calm her down and help her back to sleep.
  • Call your Doula, then go back to your lovely mother-to-be and reassure her.
  • If labor begins during the day, take her to a place you both love, where you can get used to labor together. This could be a park, or a comfortable room in your home. Make sure you rent movies that are uplifting watches a few with her while the labor progresses. Make sure her knees are below her belly; this helps the baby move down. Enjoy your last moments together before your family size increases.
  • Make sure she walks or changes position often; do not encourage her to sit on the couch with her feet up, this works against gravity.
  • Help her drink plenty of water or juice, and eat small meals as long as possible; prepare (or buy) her favorite foods. Don’t nag her about it, simply have a glass of water next to her at all times, some nuts or trail mix.
  • Take responsibility for seeing that the bags are packed, and the baby’s car seat is properly installed in your car. Take other child to relative unless (and I personally encourage this) you’d like them to be part of the process. But only if they calm mommy down, not if they make her more concerned.
  • If her water is still intact draw a warm bath for her. If they have broken place a chair in the shower and have her take a warm shower. This will relax her greatly.
  • Keep in close, relaxed physical contact with her.
  • As labor progresses, soother by encouraging her to let her body relax. Stroke her gently to reassure her. Listen to a visualization CD (Joyful Birth) and learn how to relax her via hypnosis.
  • Breathe with her if she starts to panic, look at her straight in the eyes and tell her you are here to help her through this. Help her regain control. Remind her often that the pain will go away, count the seconds that are left (you’ve got 30 more seconds, 15…that’s it it’s almost over…)
  • Don’t be embarrassed to use common endearments in front of your Doula, caregiver or nursing staff; she needs to hear them from you! Kiss her, Ina May Gasking, one of US most loved and experienced midwife says “loose lips make for loose puss” (verbatim)
  • When the Doula comes over eat and rest. Remember you need to be strong and alert for the birth and one of the reasons you have hired a doula is so that it is not all on your shoulders.
  • Take a shower and wear something she likes — no aftershave, please. In Labor a woman’s senses are heightened, and she is very particular with smells. Even if she has liked you aftershave in the past, it might make her nauseous during labor.
  • Bring change for the telephone in case your hospital does not want you to use a cell phone, and/or the telephone in the room is not working. Bring a list of phone numbers you need to announce the birth.
  • Get some of your favorite music ready, most hospitals have a CD player and it is wonderful to hear your favorite song while the baby is born…it could end up being “their” song for the rest of their life.
  • Bring water and food for yourself to the hospital.
  • Bring a change of clothing for yourself as well. I suggest comfortable sweats, the chairs and beds in the hospital are not too comfortable and I would dress inlayers, t-shirt and sweats. Sometimes it gets cold, especially when you are exhausted.
  • Bring money; make sure you have enough gas in the car everyday. Do not park your car empty thinking you will fill it up in the morning.
  • In transition, speak tenderly to her between contractions, and maintain eye contact during contractions.
  • Once she is pushing, get your body close to her so she feels your support and reinforcement.
  • Let her know when you can see the baby’s head, and help her reach down and touch it.
  • Tell her you love her, especially after the baby is born.
  • Welcome your baby into this world with her